Scrubs Season 2 Quotes
Elliot: Dr. Kelso, why does everything keep happening to me?
Dr. Kelso: Take a breath, Dr. Reid. In, and out; that's it. That's it. Now, you went to four year of college, and four years of medical school, so I can safely presume that you are at least eight. My God, little girl, grow up and say "how do" to the world of modern medicine! My God! I've been sued four times!
J.D.: Why do you always have to be like that? You know that I try harder than anyone in this place, and you never give me any credit!
Dr. Cox: Now, you listen to me, Newbie. I'm not doing this because I get my jollies off of being your mentor; and I'm damn sure not doing it so that years from now I can say, "Boy, I knew him when." I'm doing it because if I don't, people would die.
J.D.: Thanks for your help.
Elliot: You know what, Mr. Bragen? I figured something out.
Mr. Bragen: That damn nurse broke my bed.
Elliot: That's just it - you blame everyone else for anything that goes wrong in your life. Like this. The nurse didn't break your bed, you just press this button... All right, it is broken. The point is, if you hate your job, maybe you need to switch careers; if you can't get into a relationship, maybe you have problems with commitment, huh? And I know that I'm right, 'cause I'm the exact same way: I blame my parents for not preparing me for the real world, I blame this hospital for taking up all of my time; I'm even blaming you for jeopardizing my future! But, you know what? It's time for me to grow up and start holding myself accountable. And I'm doing it.
Mr. Bragen: Good for you!
Elliot: You're, um, still suing me, aren't you.
Mr. Bragen: Yeah. But I feel like now you'll be able to handle it!
Carla: Jordan was right about me. I'm insecure, and I judge people to cover up for it. I mean, even right now, all I can think about is to tell you that you're a surgeon now, and if you want to be taken seriously you have to start acting like an adult.
Turk: And you had to say all of that?
Carla: Well, you have a habit of not listening to things unless people spell them out for you! Oh, my God, I can't stop!
Turk: Baby, maybe it's something you need to work on, that's all?
Carla: Sweetie, I promise you, I will never, ever, tell you what to do ever again.
Turk: Yeah, you will. But with me, it's okay, because I love you. Besides, I barely listen, anyway!
(J.D. winks at Dr. Cox)
Dr. Cox: Oh my God, Sabrina. You had better tell me that you just had laser eye surgery and they accidentally severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up, because you did not just wink at me!
J.D.: I didn't mean anything by it, I wink at everybody. (Winks at Dr. Kelso) Hey, Dr. Kelso!
Dr. Kelso: Save it for the bathhouses, sport.
Is there one bathroom in this damn place that has toliet paper, or do I have to start carrying around a basket of leaves?!
Dr. Kelso
Janitor: Did you steal pudding and toilet paper?
J.D.: What? No! I hate pudding and I don't use toilet paper. (Pauses) I have one of those French things that shoots water up your butt.
Janitor: Bidet.
J.D.: Bidet to you sir.
Janitor: Hold up! There's been a number of thefts around the hospital. We're doing bag checks.
J.D.: But what about that guy taking scrubs?
Janitor: Hey, Tom!
Tom: Hey!
Janitor: He doesn't have a bag.
Carla: You don't seem that stressed out.
Elliot: Well, I haven't pooed in six days.
J.D.: Twice this morning, and I haven't even had my coffee yet.
Elliot: You really pick odd things to brag about.
J.D.: I'm just saying, if I had to get three by lunch, I probably could.
Janitor: You know, we're zeroing in on the guy that's been stealing stuff.
J.D.: Oh? Well, that's good.
Janitor: Yep. In fact, right now, I'm dusting for fingerprints.
J.D.: Really?
Janitor: Nah, I'm just dusting.
Well, just for being so jealous and pissy lately. I mean, I guess I just kind of got hung up on the fact that you were with, you know, Dr. Jasper and...Dr. Michaels...Dr. Stone. Was it his ear hair? Is that what is so compelling about him?
Dr. Cox
