Baker: Miss Espinosa, it was a little difficult changing your cake at the last minute, but I was able to make it non-dairy like you requested.
Carla: My Uncle Ramon thanks you, and the rest of the people at table 3 thank you even more.

Turk: I cannot believe you are freaking out about this! It's a great idea!
Carla: Turk! We are not having wedding PIE!
Turk: That is so typical of you, Carla! This whole wedding has been about you, and I'll prove it!
Carla: Give me back my wedding planner!
Turk: Frank Sinatra as our first dance. Please, baby, that guy has only got one good song. You roses. I hate pink! Big screen TV at the reception! Big screen TV at the reception?
Carla: I knew how much you wanted to see the play-offs.

Carla: Okay, why are you mad? You told me to un-invite people!
Turk: So, without asking, you went to my new boss and told her you didn't want her to come to the wedding.
Carla: Nooo. I told her we didn't want her to come.

J.D.: She's quite mad, you know. I hope she doesn't rub off on you.
Todd: Oh!... Too easy.

Mr. Corman: Hey, what's going on?
Dr. Cox: Zip it. I know a shortcut.
Mr. Corman: Help! I'm getting chair-jacked!

Dr. Kelso: I need your opinion about something.
Dr. Cox: Yes Bob, those pants do make you look like you're holding water.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, I'll tell you the same thing I told a comic I once saw in a strip club in Reno; I'm not here for the jokes.

Dr. Cox: I can't believe Kelso really asked my opinion, you know?
Janitor: Look pal, if I wanted to sit and listen to someone yammer on about their lives, I'd be at my A.A. meeting right now.
Dr. Cox: Listen there scrub brush, it just so happens it was the only empty seat in the whole joint and besides, as a fellow abusive drinker you are honor-bound by bar stool protocol to listen to every last word out of my mouth.

J.D.: So, moving in together?
Elliot: Yeah. It's a little scary.
J.D.: It is scary. You know, I knew this girl in college who moved in with her boyfriend - everything changed. Stopped talking to each other, started fighting all the time and... you know the rest.
Elliot: They broke up?
J.D.: Oh no, he killed her.
Nurse: Dr. Reed, they need you to check on that stabbing victim in room 301.
J.D.: (whispers) Could be you.
Elliot: What?!
J.D.: Nothing.

Dr. Cox: Damnit all to hell Bob. I cannot believe you're gonna turn this hospital into some money making machine that coerces people into spending their hard earned cash on expensive procedures that they don't even need.
Dr. Kelso: Why not? Sounds like something I'd do.
Dr. Cox: You mark my words, if one single person gets a full body scan, I will, (pauses) I will kiss your ring.
Dr. Kelso: I will take that bet champ. You're our witness Laverne.
Laverne: How very exciting for all of us.

Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman, you're not dying of anything, although if you do try to swipe one more bite of my lamb medallions, I will be forced to kill you.
Mr. Corman: Well look who never learned to share.

Danni: Wanting what you can't have?
J.D.: Why are you here? Hospitals don't sell cigarettes!
Todd: Man, I'd smoke her!
J.D.: Quiet time Todd.

J.D.'s Narration: I think that the problem with most people who want what they can't have is that, when they actually get the thing they covet, they don't want it anymore. But not this guy.
Elliot: Well, Dr. Dorian, you have me. You finally have me.
She snuggles close to him, and he finally takes a moment to realize what he has
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, my God! I DON'T WANT HER!

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Hey, look, Gandhi, now just because you broke out your little Fisher-Price surgery set and somehow managed to not kill somebody for once, doesn't mean you're queen of the world.

Dr. Cox

J.D.: What should I do?
J.D.'s Narration: That was a huge mistake. Because the closer Turk and Carla got to their wedding, the more they became one of those annoying couples that thought they knew everything about relationships.
Turk/Carla: Look, J.D...
Turk: You first, honey.
Carla: J.D., love is like a butterfly. Hold it too tight and... you'll crush it.
Turk: Too loose and it flies away.