Scrubs Season 4 Quotes
J.D.'s Narration: Kelso had a point. I mean, in the outside world you'll occasionally see a stream of cars drive by an old woman with a flat tire. But around here, every time you round a corner, well...
(A couple are talking to a doctor, the woman's face bruised and swollen.)
Husband: She fell again.
J.D.: Look, you're gonna do whatever you want with your sister, but Jake's just trying to help. He's a stand-up guy, I think you should leave him alone. If you do, I think it would be dy-no-mite! Sorry, I was just watching 'Good Times' in the doctors' lounge.
Dennis: Yeah. I'm gonna screw him to the wall.
Elliot: Hey, Jake. How's it goin'?
Jake: Oh, heh, I've had better days. How are you?
Flashback
Dr. Cox: Listen to me, Barbacious, you gotta stay the course here. You gotta keep ignoring him.
Elliot: But I am already ignoring him. How do I ignore him more?
Dr. Cox: Aha. Piece of cake. First you engage him, then you ignore him.
End Flashback
Jake: Elliot? I said, How are you?
Elliot: I actually don't have time for this, okay? I'm a doctor!
Jake: But you asked me how I was.
Elliot: Yeah, trying to save lives here. It's not always about you!
Dennis: Well, look who's back.
Jake: Look, buddy, I, uh, I barely know your sister, and I certainly don't know you, but like it or not, she told me what she wanted and I'm gonna honor that. Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and stay here 'til I can figure out a way to make you understand that, even if I have to get myself a lawyer.
(Ted leans in with a post-it.)
Jake: Not you.
J.D.: Are you responsible for breaking up Turner and Hooch?
Turk: I need an excuse to get out of couples counseling. Dude, I can't open up, man, I just can't do it. Besides, this way no one gets hurt.
Dr. Turner: We had a hell of a run, man.
Hooch: Just get outta here.
Turk: I've got something I'd like to share today.
Carla: Really?
Turk: Yeah. I don't like it when Carla pinches my nipples when we're having sex. Baby, that's-that's one of the reasons why I cry - because you pinch them too hard, and it hurts.
Turk: Couples therapy is killing me.
Todd: I don't know how you do it! Make love with your lady in front of some old dude who's filming you?
Turk: That's not couples therapy Todd.
Todd: Then what did I do?
Turk: You did amateur porn!
Todd: Sweet.
J.D.: Listen, even though I'm not gonna be paid, I'm gonna cover your shift at the clinic tonight so you can do Mr. Schindler's endoscopy.
Turk: And I'm gonna cross-cover all of Dr. Turner's patients so Turner can assist you on the procedure.
Hooch: Why you guys going through so much trouble?
Dr. Kelso: Who's doing the endoscopy on Mr. Schindler?
Turk/J.D.: Turner and Hooch!
Lady: I can't believe that six young men stopped to help an old lady change a tire!
J.D.: And don't you forget who put that tire on and tightened those lugnuts, Martha! Okay, sweetie, have fun at the swap-meet! Drive safe.
J.D.'s Narration: Yep. It sure feels good to do the right thing.
J.D.: Righty loosey, lefty tighty.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, "righty tighty! lefty loosey!" Ohhhh, man. It still feels good.
J.D.: Hey, Hooch!
Hooch: That's my name....don't wear it out.
J.D.: Classic Hooch!
No Carla, men don’t love that. It turns out that we don’t love picnics, foreplay, candles, baths, photo albums or when you drive so we can relax. And always we’re not that big on Hugh Jackman. The only thing men actually care about as far as dating is concerned is the chase. If you want that guy to look your way, listen to me carfully, ignore the living hell out of him.
Dr. Cox
(Panting) They're smart, they are organized...and they've got my keys!
Janitor
