Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Naomi: I thought you were happy-go-lucky.
Jerry: No, no, no, I'm not happy, I'm not lucky, and I don't go. If anything, I'm sad-stop-unlucky.

A crazy clown is after you? Oh, that's rich!

Ticket Taker

Jerry: It smells like a cheap hooker. Or is that you?
Elaine: Give me ten bucks and find out.

George: You can't break up with me. I've got hand!Noel: And you're gonna need it.

The apartment elevators are always slower than the offices, because you don't have to be home on time.

Jerry

Kramer: (on the loney librarian) She needs a little tenderness...she needs a little understanding...she needs a little Kramer.
Jerry: Then she'll need a little penicillin.

An affair? That's so adult. It's like martinis and stockings and William Holden.

George

I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.

George

I can't carry a pen, I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum.

George

Kramer: Spector gave it to me. He's giving everything away... becoming a minimalist.George: Is that the guy who likes fat women?Jerry: Doesn't the fat fetish conflict with the minimalism?

Just make love to that wall pervert.

Kramer

George: There's just no justice. This experience has changed me! It's made me more cynical, more bitter, more jaded!
Jerry: Really?
George: Sure, why not

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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