South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 4 Episode 5: "Cartman Joins NAMBLA" Quotes
Mr. Garrison: I'm telling you, Officer Barbrady, this is all a terrible mistake.
Barbrady: Well, the FBI says I have to keep you here, so that's what I'm gonna do, Mr. Complainypants.
FBI Exec: Where are the children?
Dr. Mephesto: What children?
FBI Exec: This is NAMBLA, right?
Dr. Mephesto: Yes.
FBI Exec: The North American Man Boy Love Association?
Dr. Mephesto: What? No! We're the North American Marlon Brando look alikes!
FBI Exec 2: Aw crap, we got the wrong NAMBLA!
Mr. Garrison: Aw dammit, I'm in the wrong place!
Stan: Yeah, you know, we believe in equality for everybody and tolerance and all that gay stuff, but dude, (beep) you.
Kyle: Seriously.
Cartman: Those perverts aren't going to rest until they have made love to one of us right? So somebody's just gonna have to go out there and take one for the team. And I think in all fairness it should be Butters.
Butters: Huh? Now why me?
Cartman: Are you a team player or not?
Butters: Well sure, I'm a team player I guess.
Cartman: Now Butters, there is no 'i' in team.
Butters: You mean to expect me to go out there and let all those horny old men have their way with my fragile person? Well just what team is this anyway?
Cartman: Just go Butters, we're running out of time.
Butters: Oh, alright then. (Butters leaves the room)
Cartman: (Laughs) He's such a dumbass.
Cartman: (to Kenny) Goddamn it poor people suck. Your family is already on welfare and now you're gonna bring another kid into the world. Poor people are churning out babies, adding to the population and then expecting ME to pay for it with MY tax dollars.
Stan: You don't pay tax dollars Cartman, you're 8.
Kyle: Alright Cartman, I'm gonna give you a jail time card. You lose a turn.
Stan: Sweet.
Cartman: Oh yeah? Well, I'm gonna give you AIDS.
Kyle: What?
Cartman: I just gave you AIDS.
Kyle: AIDS?
Stan: Dude, that's not cool. Don't give Kyle AIDS.
Cartman: (writing) Kyle has AIDS and now loses 47 turns and 800 points.
Wow, they've got activists for everything these days.
Officer Barbrady
(after Kenny hits his dad intentionally with a baseball)
Mrs. McCormick: What happened?
Mr. McCormick: He smacked me in the balls!
Child Molester: Do you like having your back rubbed?
Mr. Garrison: Eat me pervert.
Child Molester: Okay.
Cartman: Alright, what the hell do you guys think you're doing?!
Stan: We're making faces at sick people.
Why the hell does the F.B.I. keep arresting all my friends?? This HAS to be the work of Stan and Kyle, God I hate those guys!
(Kenny is holding a plunger above his head and staring angrily at his mother)
Mrs. McCormick: Oh, hi Kenny. What are you doing?
(Camera pans back to angry plunger-holding Kenny)
Mrs. McCormick: Wh-What are you doin' Kenny?
(Camera pan)
Mrs. McCormick: Kenny..What are you goin' to plunge?
