South Park Season 3 Episode 12: "Hooked on Monkey Phonics" Quotes
Jimbo: You can do it kid, you can do it!
(after Kyle spells incorrectly)
Jimbo: YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!, YOU COSTED ME 50 BUCKS!!!!
Stan: Shut up, Cartman!
Cartman: You shut up, butt-hole! (Hit's Stan)
Stan: You shut up, gay-wad! (Hit's Cartman)
Cartman: You shut up, ass-logger! (Hit's Stan)
Mark: Oh my goodness. Are you two enemies?
Stan: No... we're friends.
Mark: Strange friends would call each other names and fight.
(singing) Who would have thought such a miracle could be, who could have known that this moment I would see, a new way of living, a chance to be free!</i> Cartman
Cartman: You're going down bitch!
Kyle: Shut up fat-ass, everyone knows I can spell better than you.
Cartman: Yeah, well this year I have a secret weapon. (Gives Phonics Monkey a thumbs up)
(at the spelling bee) Kyle, Kyle, he's our man, if he can't do it I'm out 50 bucks.Jimbo
(Mark, the home schooled kid, rolls into Mr. Garrison's class in a giant hamster ball.)
Mark: Hey guys, what's up?
Cartman: Dude, what's wrong with you, you got some kind of John Travolta disease or something?
Mr. Garrison: Alright children, let's all just try to ignore the fact that there's a little boy in a giant hamster ball and continue on with our lesson, okay?
Mark: Now look at her she's a damn whore papa.
Butters: Damn right.
Stan: Oh, my god! Fonics monkey killed Kenny!
Cartman: You're damn right, he did.
If you're monkey arrived in the box dead, call 555-4500 to get a new monkey.Tape
Mayor McDaniels: Alright, Eric. Here's your word. Chair.
Cartman: C'mon Phonics monkey, drum!
(Monkey does nothing)
(Monkey is doing something, but not drumming)
Cartman: Eric, your word is chair!
Mayor McDaniels: Something you sit on.
Cartman: Country of origin?
Mayor McDaniels: English!
Cartman: Could you use it in a sentence?
Mayor McDaniels: FOR GOD SAKES, KID, THE WORD IS CHAIR!
Cartman: ChairC-H-A-R-E (Buzzer) Dammit, how come I always get the hard ones? (Runs off the stage) GET OVER HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH PHONICS MONKEY!
Cartman: Alright that's it, SCREW YOU GUYS; I'm going to home school.
Mr. Garrison: Oh please God, let it be forever.
Now look at her, she's a goddamned whore, Papa.Mark