South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 5 Episode 7: "Proper Condom Use" Quotes
Penis or vagina! Right, oral sex. Mmkay.
Mr. Mackey
Ms. Choksondick: Here's a little picture of Herpes...
(She shows the picture and the girls scream.)
Ms. Choksondick: And here's a little Syphilis for you...
(She shows another picture and the girls scream again.)
Ms. Choksondick: That's right; unless you get your boyfriends to wear condums, you can AND will get these diseases!
I think my boy does need to learn about sexual educationfrom the school.
Sheila
That's what it's called when you milk a dog; Beating it off. God, don't you guys know anything?
Cartman
Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
Cartman: I'm milking the dog. They make dog milk.
Stan: Don't look at Butters' schlong, gaymo!
Cartman: (in panicking voice) I wasn't looking as his schlong, I was seeing how to put the condom on!
Kyle: Sure.
Oh geez, I don't wanna get the AIDS fellas.
Butters
Yeah, why just this afternoon our son was caught beating off our dog.
Mr. McCormick
(Stan & Kyle torture a Jennifer Lopez doll)
Stan: So, we meet again, Jennifer Lopez!
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) No, no, please! This time I swear I won't make albums or movies.
Stan: That's what you said last time, but obviously we must now resort to more drastic measures.
(uses magnifying glass to burn the doll)
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) Oh God it burns! It burns!
Stan: Scream for me, bitch!
Cartman: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.
Butters: [wearing mask; deep voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.
Kyle: [to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.
Stan: But Chef, when IS the right time for us to start having sex?
Chef: It's very simple, children; The right time to start having sex isseventeen.
Kyle: Seventeen?
Chef: Seventeen.
Sheila: So, you mean seventeen as long as you're in love?
Chef: Nope, just seventeen.
Gerald: But what if you're not ready at seventeen?
Chef: Seventeen. You're ready.
Alright girls. Yesterday we went over the myriad of diseases you can get from boys, but today we're going to talk about the most horrible they can give you of all. Pregnancy!
Ms. Choksondik
