Mr. Garrison: Now what's wrong with the Planetarium?
Stan: It's boring.
Kyle: Yeah, all the constellations look alike.
Mr. Garrison: Well too bad. You're all going to the planetarium tomorrow and you're all going to love it.

Dr. Adams: Hi, I'm Dr. Adams, and welcome to the Plane'arium.
Stan: I thought this was the planetarium.
Dr. Adams: It is, I have a bone disease that prevents me from saying the 't' in Plane'arium.

Cartman: Hey, they're giving out bread outside!
Poor girl: Finally we can get something to eat.
(when the poor girl and her mom walk outside, Cartman shuts the door)
Cartman: Psych!!

Mrs. Cartman: Hon, don't pick your nose.
Cartman: God dammit, I'm not picking it. I have an itch for crying out loud.

Now stars are actually made of hot gas, which is exactly what comes out of Roger Ebert's ass.

Dr. Adams

Man Singing: I love Cheesy Poofs. You love Cheesy Poofs. If we didn't love Cheesy Poofs, we'd all be...
Cartman: (flatly)...Lame.

(After Kenny's head explodes)
Stan: Oh my God! We've killed Kenny!
Kyle: We're bastards!

A haiku is just like a normal American poem except it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid.

Mr. Garrison

(during planetarium show)
Principal Victoria : Oh man this is boring.
Some guy: Yeah, who finds this stuff interesting?
High teenager 1: Dude, this is totally killer.
High teenager 2: I hope this goes on for like7 months.

Ok children, now I'm going to remind you that this is a planetarium, not a Bangkok brothel, so let's behave ourselves.

Mr. Garrison

Ass full of pork fat, jiggles like a jello-mold, mouth is flapping too.

Kyle's 2nd Haiku

(The Marshes are discussing Stan's essay assignment)
Stan: Not Mr. Garrison, Mom, he's a sick weirdo.
Randy: Yeah it's true, he is.

South Park Season 2 Quotes

(As Steve Irwin) Look! A king croc! (Walks up to a cow) Now, what I'm going to do, is jam my finger up it's... (The cow sits on him, then gets up, with Cartman stuck in his butt) Hey, get me outta here! Huh, kinda smells like Kenny's house in here!

Cartman

Phillip: The subway certainly is wonderful, Terrance.
Terrance: It sure is. Let's look for treasure.
Phillip: Yes. Let's look for treasure.