Mr. Garrison: Now what's wrong with the Planetarium?
Stan: It's boring.
Kyle: Yeah, all the constellations look alike.
Mr. Garrison: Well too bad. You're all going to the planetarium tomorrow and you're all going to love it.

Dr. Adams: Hi, I'm Dr. Adams, and welcome to the Plane'arium.
Stan: I thought this was the planetarium.
Dr. Adams: It is, I have a bone disease that prevents me from saying the 't' in Plane'arium.

Cartman: Hey, they're giving out bread outside!
Poor girl: Finally we can get something to eat.
(when the poor girl and her mom walk outside, Cartman shuts the door)
Cartman: Psych!!

Mrs. Cartman: Hon, don't pick your nose.
Cartman: God dammit, I'm not picking it. I have an itch for crying out loud.

Now stars are actually made of hot gas, which is exactly what comes out of Roger Ebert's ass.

Dr. Adams

Man Singing: I love Cheesy Poofs. You love Cheesy Poofs. If we didn't love Cheesy Poofs, we'd all be...
Cartman: (flatly)...Lame.

(After Kenny's head explodes)
Stan: Oh my God! We've killed Kenny!
Kyle: We're bastards!

A haiku is just like a normal American poem except it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid.

Mr. Garrison

(during planetarium show)
Principal Victoria : Oh man this is boring.
Some guy: Yeah, who finds this stuff interesting?
High teenager 1: Dude, this is totally killer.
High teenager 2: I hope this goes on for like7 months.

Ok children, now I'm going to remind you that this is a planetarium, not a Bangkok brothel, so let's behave ourselves.

Mr. Garrison

Ass full of pork fat, jiggles like a jello-mold, mouth is flapping too.

Kyle's 2nd Haiku

(The Marshes are discussing Stan's essay assignment)
Stan: Not Mr. Garrison, Mom, he's a sick weirdo.
Randy: Yeah it's true, he is.

South Park Season 2 Quotes

Cartman: So, what kind of side dishes are we going to enjoy this evening with our frozen waffles?
(pause)
Cartman: Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
Mr. McKormick: So, Kyle, your father still brings home those big fat lawyer paychecks?
Mrs. McKormick: Now, clamhead! Don't even get started!
Mr. McKormick: What? I was just asking a question. Your father and I used to be best friends. But he ended up going to law school because he has rich parents.
Mrs. McKormick: That's not why he was sent to law school! He had dreams that didn't involved getting lazy and drunk all the time!
(Waffle pops out of toaster)
Kevin: My waffle's done! My waffle's done!
Mrs. McKormick: Now now, Kevin. We don't have enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: My god, are you f(beep)king kidding me?
Mr. McKormick: Hey! We don't say f(beep)k at the dinner table, you little assh*le!
Cartman: (muttering) Yeah, well apparently, they don't say side dishes either...

Dr. Doctor: We must split up into two teams: Team A and Team B. Team A will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle, Eric, Chef, and Nurse Goodly. Team B will consist of Kenny. Now, listen closely, Team B. Your goal will be to turn on the backup generator. To do this you must brave the storm outside and get into this sewage duct. Meanwhile, Team A will go to the holding area, here where there is a television, and some cocoa. We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming until Team B makes it through the sewage duct. By that time, Team B, remember that's you Kenny, should reach the outer core of the generator. It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top, and there could be velociraptors here. Once you reach the top, you should be able to get a clear view from this window of us drinking cocoa and watching television. Then, you could proceed down into the generator, and power it on. Are there any questions?
Cartman: No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
Dr. Doctor: Great, then, let's do it. Go, Team!
Kenny: (muffled) Huh?