South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 3 Quotes
Mr. Adler: That true, Craig? You a troublemaker?
Craig: No.
Mr. Adler: Well, you'd better not be, because in shop class we- (Craig flips him off) Hey! Did you just flip me off?!
Craig: No.
Mr. Adler: Yes, you did!
Body like a stone! Mind like a meat loaf!
Martial Arts Teacher
Cartman: Craig's been ready for this fight for days. He doesn't even view it as a challenge.
Kyle: He'll view it as a challenge when Tweek's kicking his ass!
Cartman: What's that? Kinda sounds like diarrhea coming out of someone's mouth!
Kyle: Craig's going down, Cartman!
Cartman: Pretty soon, you'll be eating those words.
Kyle; No I won't, 'cuz you'd eat them first, tubby!
Jimbo: Hey Ned, look what I got you: a new voicebox! (Ned reaches for it, but Jimbo blocks it) You want it? You want it? Here you go!
Ned: (Irish accent) Jimbo, I can't thank you enough for the new voicebox! What in the devil is this, then?
Jimbo: Sorry, Ned. I must have picked up the irish model by mistake.
Ned: Oh, what a bloody pickle this is. Did you keep the receipt, then?
(A man walks in)
Man: Jimbo, Ned, come quick!
Jimbo: What's going on?
Man: They've found another Jakovasaur!
Ned: Blimey.
Jakov: THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO THE GAME YOU GUYS!
Randy: No problem, Jakov.
Men: (cheers)
Jakov: GO NINERS! NINERS!
Gerald: We're cheering for the Broncos, Jakov!
Jakov: Oops!
(Men watching game)
Jakov: DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT? I WATCHED THIS RABBIT, IT'S A BROWN RABBIT, AND GUESS WHAT, IT TOOK DOOKEY RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!
Randy: Hey, Jakov, do you mind if you could buy some pretzels for us.
Jakov: OK! Do you have money?
Gerald: Here and don't go to the store down the block, go to the Fairplay place four miles from here, they have better pretzels.
Jakov: OKAY! (trips) OOPS!
Mr. Mackey: Jakovasaurs kinda piss me off, mkay?
Men: Yep.
Interior Department Official: Now we'll have to find a place to for it.
Mr. Garrison: I'll keep it at my house.
Mayor McDaniels: No Garrison you're just going to try and have sex with it.
Mr. Garrison: What? How dare you say that!
Mayor McDaniels: Remember what happened to the wounded pigeon you were supposed to take care of?
Mr. Garrison: Oh c'mon, you all know that pigeon was a total slut.
Cartman: Hey, you guys! Listen to this song I just wrote. It's called 'I Hate You Guys':
(plays harmonica and sings)
I hate you guys. You guys are assholes. Especially Kenny. I hate him the most.
I can't hear you Ned, you don't have a trachea. You smoked too much and had it removed then you drank too much and lost your god damn voice box.
</i> Jimbo
Well this is a whole new species of creature! Ned, go call the mayor's office- oh that's right, you can't talk! (laughs)
</i> Jimbo
(Cartman walks into Jakov's house)
Cartman: Hey Jakov!
(Canned audience laughter)
Cartman: Who the hell is that?
Cartman: I have authoritah?
Minister #3 Yes, and people must respect it.
Stan: Oh no. Nothing's worse than Cartman with authoritah.
