Stan: Maybe we'll come and visit sometime.
Cartman: Yeah, and maybe Jesse Jackson will be president.

Marklar: You Marklars must leave.
Missionary: But you will all burn forever in eternal hellfire!
Marklar: Yes, that's nice, thank you for stopping by.

Federal Agent: Earlier this morning, an ethnic child was seen piloting an alien space craft over Chinese airspace.
Cartman: Cool!
Federal Agent: Cool?! That ship has enough plutonium on board to vaporise a small city. Is that "cool"?
Stan: Yeah.

Marklar Leader: I am Marklar, leader of the Marklar.
Stan: Uh, cool. My name is Stan and I'm the leader of Earth.
Marklar Leader: Marklar to you.
Stan: Cool!
Cartman: Ey! I'm the leader of Earth!
Stan: Screw you, Cartman! I called leader first!
Cartman: Well, you can call leader 'til your ass bleeds, but that doesn't make it true!

Remember... (pulls down a screen and points to it) reading the Bible plus accepting Jesus equals food.
(all the Ethopians start reading the Bible)

</i> Missionary

The hare-krishnas are totally gay!

Mr. Garrison

CIA member: I need to talk to you, you, you, and you. (points to Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny)
Mr. Garrison: Now what have you little bastards done?
Cartman: It was Kyle who went #2 in the urinal!
Kyle: Shut up, fat ass!

Marvin: (series of clicking sounds)
Missionary: No no Marvin. Speak in God's language...English.

(slowly stuttering through the technical lingo) Now stay with me on this one folks. Sally Struthers has a Tiberian junker, which is the favored ship of the Huts, and she has trapped our new CBC ship in a, uh, positronic tractor beam. So we're going to need an ionic tractor disruptor. Not a regular ionic tractor disruptor, but a negative ionic tractor disruptor to help spread the word of Jesus. (mutters) I look like a f---in idiot up here.

Pat Robertson

Marklar Leader: You see we call everything Marklar.
Kyle: Doesn't that get confusing?
Marklar Leader: No, not at all. Hey Marklar!
Marklar: Yes Marklar.
Marklar Leader: You see!

Cartman: Alright that's it, SCREW YOU GUYS; I'm going to home school.
Mr. Garrison: Oh please God, let it be forever.

Now look at her, she's a goddamned whore, Papa.


South Park Season 3 Quotes

Mr. Garrison Sr.: Would you have sex with your son to save his life?
Man at bar 1: Oh, this is one of them scruples questions ain't it?
Man at bar 2: No, no I got a better one: Would you have sex with your motherto save your father's life?
Man at bar 1: You mean like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said if you don't have sex with her, I'll kill him?
Bartender: If a killer put a knife to my throat and said "have sex with your mother or I'm gonna kill your father while having sex with you, I would have sex with myself.

Skeeter: Hey Panda Bear! We don't take kindly to your types around here. Bartender: Now Skeeter, he ain't hurtin' nobody. Skeeter: No! I wanna know something from Mr. Panda Bear here. If you pandas are from mountainous areas of China and Tibet, how come you only eat bamboo which is prone to grow in dryer, more arid regions?