Linda: Just point us to a phone kid, alright?
Cartman: (laughs) I'm afraid you'll find all the phones... quite out of service.
Mark: No phones either! How do you communicate?
(Cartman pics up a jar, opens it up and speaks into it)
Cartman: Butters, I need an ETA on a car, stat! (closes the jar and hands it to a kid who walks out the door)
Mark: Alright we've had just about enough here. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. I don't care what little games you kids want to play, we just want out of here alright.
(Kid walks back in room with the jar & Cartman opens it)
Butters: (voice from jar) It's gonna be about 3 days.

Police Lady: They'll never be able to hurt you again.
Kyle: Cool thanks.

Parents can be pretty cruel sometimes dude. They get off on it.


You got "Raging Pussies" tickets!?!


Kyle: My parents said I can't go.
Stan: Well of course your parents said you can't go.
Cartman: Dummy, you don't ask if you can go! I'm telling my parents that I'm staying at Stan's house, Stan's telling his parents he's staying at Kenny's house, and Kenny's not telling his parents anything cause they're alcoholics and they don't care!
Kenny: (muffled) Yeah!
Kyle: Oh, well now I already told them.
Cartman: Well I guess you're screwed then.

Rick: Hello Cartman, how are you today?
Cartman: Well I'm pissed off Rick, how are you?

You can scoop it up in my R. Kelly thermos.


Cartman: When I was in prison, we used to sneak stuff in by hiding it up our ass.
Another fat boy: I have some Fudge 'Ems up my ass. You want some?
Cartman: (scoffs) Yeah, I'm not falling for that one again!

I told you I was a tight virgin flower!

</i> Mrs. Crabtree

Stan: Chef, what's a prostitute?
Chef: Dag-nabbit children! How come every time you come in here you've got to be asking me questions I shouldn't be answering? "Chef, what's a clitoris? What's a lesbian, Chef? How come they call it a rim job Chef?". For once, can't you kids come in here and say "Hey Chef, nice day isn't it"?
Stan:Hey Chef, nice day isn't it?
Chef: It sure is, thank you.

Rick: You have to know that until you drop the weight, you can't leave.
Amy: (cheerily) There is no escape.

Will somebody put this retard out of his misery?


South Park Season 4 Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman

Cartman: Suck my balls.
Ms. Choksondik: Present them.
Cartman: What?
Ms. Choksondik: Present: Whip them out and I'll suck 'em.