Stan: What are you guys watchin'? A goddamned asshole show?
Evie: Vampire Creek.
Denise: It's a show about sexy teen vampires.
Stan: They live in a creek?
Denise: No. It's the name of the town.
Stan: Oh, no. You wanna see a sexy vampire, you gotta, you gotta watch those Hammer films with Ingrid Pit, that British chick with good teeth and a coupla horn-honkin' milk jugs. Oh, I gotta tell ya ... What?

• Permalink: Oh, no. You wanna see a sexy vampire, you gotta, you gotta watch those Hammer films with...
• Added: November 13, 2018

I knew it. Thirty-two years old and she thinks she can stay out all night. Kids these days. No wonder we can't win a war.

Stan

• Permalink: I knew it. Thirty-two years old and she thinks she can stay out all night. Kids these days....
• Added: November 13, 2018

Evie: Denise! What are you doing?
Denise: Killing a hobo with a hammer. What are you doing??

• Permalink: Killing a hobo with a hammer. What are you doing??
• Added: November 13, 2018

Denise: Hmpf. I miss Kevin.
Evie: Oh, so you have two boyfriends now. [vampire hiss] Must be nice to be you!

• Permalink: Oh, so you have two boyfriends now. Must be nice to be you!
• Added: November 13, 2018

Evie: Stan! I'm so glad to see you! You know, earlier tonight, I met a man named Fart.
Stan: Woman, have you seen yourself?
Evie: Oh no, I can't. I don't have a reflection anymore. But seriously. Who would name their baby Fart?

• Permalink: Oh no, I can't. I don't have a reflection anymore. But seriously. Who would name their baby...
• Added: November 13, 2018

Oh my God. Bats are just hang gliding mice! I better tell Fart!

Evie

• Permalink: Oh my God. Bats are just hang gliding mice! I better tell Fart!
• Added: November 13, 2018