So. That's your game? You become a giant and kick my ass? It's a pretty good game, I'm not gonna lie to ya.

Yeah, see, that's the thing. I can definitely imagine Stan killing someone with a bucket, but this whole smiling and polite thing; that does not track.

Evie

Nothing that has happened since Claire died is natural.

Stan: Why didn't you tell me?
Claire: Tell you what? That you're the victim of a 400-year-old curse and it's my job to kill demons and keep you alive?
Stan: I'd have told you.

Worst. Seance. Ever.

Stan: Leon! What was in the fudge?
Leon: Freedom! For the mind...

Stan: What the hell is that?
Lara: Sage. It purifies the air of the room.
Stan: Smells like a pregnant raccoon died in your chimney.

Now what? The doorbell rings, he pops out of a cake, and he gives me a knobjob?

Evie: Stan, if you go through that door, am I even going to know you? No, I mean If Claire doesn't die, then you stay the sheriff.
Stan: I don't know.
Evie: I mean, what am I going to do? Am I just going to poof back to my old life?

Excuse me, Evie? I couldn't help notice you've been standing on my porch for the last hour saying shit over and over again.

Claire

Stan: The flower. I never saw her destroy the final flower.
Evie: The portal. The portal opened. And the land of the dead shall corrupt the land of the living for time without end. My God.
Stan: We gotta go back.

Honey, honey, to be clear, we're not saying Kevin is a bad guy. He only kicked the shit out of himself and blamed it on a baby. Hell, for all we know, he's a true romantic at heart like that Fatty Arbuckle or that Sid and Nancy.

Stan Against Evil Season 2 Quotes

Leon: The new sheriff is not a woman.
Stan: Well, we got that goin' for us. For a second I thought we were livin' in Europe!

Thadeus: Evelyn Barret. Unholy viper!
Evie: I am not the viper. YOU are!