Ted Lasso
Wednesdays on Apple TV+Ted Lasso Quotes
Keeley: Barbara, what's going on? Are we being slowly robbed? Oh. Wait. ( stammers ) I'm sorry.
Barbara: You haven't spoken with Jack?
Keeley: I haven't heard from Jack in weeks.
Barbara: But she emailed me last night to say that she was gonna reach out and tell you.
Keeley: Tell me what, Barbara?
Barbara: The board of the VC have decided to pull funding. They're shutting down KJPR.
Jade: Are you alive?
Nathan: Unfortunately, yeah.
Jade: You're okay.
Nathan: Am I an idiot?
Jade: Sometimes, yes.
Nathan: No, I meant for quitting my job.
Jade: Do you wish you hadn't? Then there's your answer.
Nathan: I just don't know what I'm gonna do.
Jade: Do you need me to stay?
Nathan: No. No, that's... No, I'm okay.
Jade: Do you want to come to Poland with me? You can help me and my family screw in light bulbs.
Nathan: That's very funny.
Jade: Why is it funny?
Nathan: I don't know. Sorry. I... No.
Jade: I'll see you in a few days.
Nathan: Mm-hmm. Thank you.
Jade: Goodbye.
Oh, it's Jack. She's saying that she's in Argentina... for the next couple of months.
Keeley
Press: Coach Kent, do you or the organization condone what Isaac McAdoo did today?
Roy: What a stupid fսcking question. What Isaac did was awful. He was lucky he only got a red card.
Isaac: Is "top or bottom" sеx positions or sleeping arrangements?
Colin: sеxual positions. Unless bunk beds are involved. Then it's both.
Isaac: Would you ever shag a woman?
Colin: No, I'm gay.
Isaac: I know, but what if you had to?
Colin: 1967 Raquel Welch.
Isaac: My man. Who's the fittest guy on the team?
Colin: I won't tell you, and you'd never guess.
Isaac: Bumbercatch.
Colin: Yes.
Isaac: What about team showers? How does that work?
Colin: Uh, I keep my head down, and I think of global warming.
Isaac: Yeah, well, if I had to shower with a bunch of girls all the time, I'd defo get boners.
Colin: I love you, boyo. You can't say it, can you?
Isaac: No. But you know I do, yeah?
Isaac McAdoo has jumped the wall and charged into the seats. This is unbelievable.
Arlo
Jade: There it is.
Nate: What?
Jade: I love your smile. I like to see my boyfriend happy.
Nate: Boyfriend. Hmm.
Jade: Yeah. If you're into labels.
Nate: Yeah. No, I'm into labels. Sure.
Jamie: So, I'm sorry just to drop in on you. I just... Um, I was nervous to text you. I...
Keeley: Yeah. I mean, like, you and everyone in my family.
Jamie: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just... I wanted to check in on you. See how you're doing. It's just ...so fսcking shit, all of this.
Keeley: Thanks, Jamie.
Jamie: Yeah, uh, doing all right. Yeah?
Keeley: Mm-hmm.
Jamie: That's good. And I also... I just... I wanted to apologize.
Keeley: No, you don't have to do that.
Jamie: No, I do. Oh, no, I do. I do.
Keeley: Jamie, this is not your fault.
Jamie: No, it... it is my fault. And let... Let me just... I just need to tell you. I deleted it off my phone way back when we broke up. I deleted everything. I mean, not straightaway, 'cause... I did think that you and me was maybe gonna get back together again. But then you started going out with Roy, and that's when I deleted most of it. Well, like, half. But that was mostly out of anger, to be honest.
Jack: Okay, so, good news. We've got a much more toned-down version of the statement. The last one was so shit.
Keeley: Oh, great.
Jack: Hey. I know it's lame. But it will help, believe me.
Keeley: Before, when you said that you were gonna take care of this, I thought that meant you were gonna get the video taken down or something like that.
Jack: We tried. It's the fսcking Internet. Making this statement is taking care of it now.
Keeley: By having me make an apology?
Jack: Yes. Please just do it. Sorry, but it's not a great look when the person I'm seeing, whose company I fund, has a pоrnо online.
Keeley: A pоrnо?
Jack: You know what I mean. We're just... We're limiting the damage. Okay?
Keeley: Jack, I'm not doing it. This video being leaked is not my fault. But for some reason, you think it is.
Jack: Well, maybe, I don't know... Maybe you shouldn't have made the video in the first place. Uh... It's certainly not something to be proud of, Keeley.
Keeley: I don't regret making that video. And I don't regret sending it.
Jack: Um, are there more out there?
Keeley: I don't know. What are you doing?
Jack: I think I should go.
Keeley: Are you coming back?
Jack: I don't know.
Jacob: Um, I should wash my hands 'cause I touched dirty money. Uh, I'm a hand-wash guy, Ted.
Michelle: Yeah. He's a hand-wash guy.
Nate: Would you like to go on a date with me?
Jade: Yes.
Nate: Good. Good.
Jade: There wasn't anything alive in there, was there?
Nate: Oh, no. No, no. No, not at all.
Jade: If you say so.
If we want this to work, you gotta stop going to me and start playing through me. You get me? Uh, look. Just look. Look.
Jamie
