He has glasses, and I'm a know it all. We're not built for prison.

Sheldon

Sheldon: How do we know you're not going to take the money and drive away?
Leonard: Whatcha doing, Skippy?
Sheldon: Exactly what 1970s crima dramas have taught us.

Howard: What was wrong with that guy?
Raj: Um, he's Indian. We've already got one of those.

Bernadette: You know who went on a date the other night? Stewart.
Penny: Oh, good for him.
Bernadette: I thought so too.
Penny: So is she like, homeless or framing him for a crime?

Raj: Why do you need Kripke? Can't you just go to Party City for helium?
Leonard: We'd have to go to every Party City in California.
Howard: Sounds like you on Cinco de Mayo.
Raj: Hey, people were still talking about that party on Siete de Mayo.

Kripke: In fencing, we don't call it a stab. We call it a touch.
Sheldon: Yes, I'm aware. But if I say I want to touch one of my friends, I'll get called into human resources.

Kripke: Before we start, I just want to warn you fencing isn't a joke. I hope you're not here because you think it's going to be like Star Wars.
Leonard: That's not why we're here.
Raj: Yeah, I'm here because I think it's going to be like Game of Thrones.

Penny: Leonard, sweetheart, you twisted your ankle playing Scrabble.
Leonard: I got a triple word score with a double letter Q. If that's not a time to bust out the Scrabble dance, what's the point of having one?

You had me at flag, lost me at football.

Sheldon

I was like the Tin Man, perfectly content until that evil wizard went and gave him a heart.

Sheldon

(Singing) Thor and Dr Jones, Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightening, the other plays with bones.

Howard and Raj

Age is a state of mind, Leonard. In here, I'm 90.

Sheldon

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid!
Sheldon: Well that's no reason to cry; one cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad.