Sheldon: I can't figure out the math. I've been wracking my brain for days. I've got nothing.
Leonard: Seriously?
Sheldon: I can't do it. I'm not as smart as I think I am. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.

Now Sheldon's popular? What is happening?!

Penny

I am cool. This is YooHoo. Chocolate milk's delicious, watery cousin.

Sheldon

I'm clearly upset. Why aren't you following me?

Bernadette

Not every girl dreams about being a mom. Sometimes you think you're never going to have kids, and one day you wake up and you're pregnant, and it doesn't matter that your career's going great right now and that you and your husband never even got to go anywhere taped to a dog!

Bernadette

What kind of lunatic goes to McDonald's and gets fruit?

Bernadette

Look guys, it's just a guidance system. It's not like you're handing us the Death Star from Star Trek.

Colonel Williams

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the DOVE BARS I ATE. I'M PREGNANT. Try to keep up!

Leonard: You can't put that on Snapchat.
Raj: Fine, I'll put it on Facebook like a caveman.

Penny: When Leonard's feeling anxious, I make him take a long walk.
Amy: Does that help?
Penny: For a while, then he comes back.

I was counting on that money. I need to make as much as my wife so I don't have to try so hard in bed.

Howard

I now pronounce you husband and wife... and weird other husband who came with the apartment.

Bernadette

TBBT Quotes

Later, Losers!

Raj

Okay, please don't take this the wrong way, but I'd rather swim butt-naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow agonizing death from a viral infection than work with you

Raj [to Sheldon]