Is the fetus helping you? Because that's cheating.

Howard

Penny: Sheldon, did you draft the contract?
Sheldon: You bet I did.
Penny [to Amy]: You're gonna make out so hard tonight.

You're more than just my roommate. You're my partner.

Leonard

Bernadette: What kind of cake do you like?
Sheldon: My favorite is chocolate with strawberry frosting, three layers. And if there's writing on it, make sure it's not all caps. I don't want my dessert yelling at me.

Can we please drop this subject and pick a new one? I suggest, how thick can a soup get before it becomes a stew. The answer -- it may surprise you.

Sheldon

Penny: Wait a minute, you mention his birthday and he vanishes?
Leonard: Where's that information been this whole time?

Bernadette: How is that a drunk text?
Amy: He used a period instead of a question mark. He's so wasted!

Leonard: You know what we should do?
Sheldon: All go out and get vasectomies so this doesn't happen to us?

I shouldn't be raising a kid! I don't even eat my own vegetables.

Howard

Leonard: Why, 'oh no'?
Sheldon: Because this changes everything. What about comic book night? What about playing games together? What about our trips to Disneyland? How can we do those things with a child around?!"

We're gonna be parents! We're gonna get to board planes first! I'm finally gonna get to see what's in that family bathroom at the mall!

Howard

Bernadette: Well why did you put your finger near it's mouth?
Howard: Poor judgement, obviously.

TBBT Quotes

James Earl Jones: Why don't you and your friends come to Comic-Con with me?
Sheldon: Really?
James Earl Jones: Of course. And San Diego is right across the border from my favorite city on Earth, Tijuana.... where I'm taking you every night!
Sheldon: Ay-yi-yi.
James Earl Jones: Ay-yi-yi. Bang. Bang.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.