You know, once I ordered an Uber by accident. I just got in it and went somewhere.

Sheldon

I just gave you my virginity, woman. Cool your jets!

Sheldon

Meemaw: No wine for me. Sheldon's bringing me my whiskey.
Sheldon: There you go, Meemaw. I made it just how you like it. A lot, in a glass.

There's Amy! I just know you're going to hit it off. You both have the same fashion sense.

Sheldon

Oh, now you call her Constance. I call her Meemaw. You have your own Meemaw. It's not my fault she died when you were four.

Sheldon

Penny: You know, the last time I got a handwritten letter was from someone who told me I parked like a blind person.
Leonard: That someone has a name.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Sheldon: Sounds like it's time for the Sheldon Cooper apology tour!
Leonard: Oh, I hope it's as much fun as the Sheldon Cooper spell checks local menus tour.

Good, now try it as if this wasn't your first day as a person.

Amy

Why don't you tell me what happened, and in a gentle and loving way, I'll explain to you why you're wrong.

Amy

I hope laughter is the best medicine because this care package is a joke.

Sheldon

Why isn't everyone happy? Your little ray of sunshine is ready to beam again!

Sheldon

Amy: I wish you were here.
Sheldon: At a microbiology conference? What a mean thing to say!
Amy: Okay, I'm glad you're not here?
Sheldon: Aww, you always know just what to say, after I tell you what to say.

TBBT Quotes

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.