Ed: What’s a CPAP mask?
Dan: It’s a mask attached to a hose that forces air down my throat so I don’t stop breathing in the middle of the night.
Ed: So you look like Tom Cruise in Top Gun if he was an old man who couldn’t breathe on his own.

• Permalink: So you look like Tom Cruise in Top Gun if he was an old man who couldn’t breathe on his own.
• Added: April 26, 2020

I figured since hot dogs are our family’s main source of food and we regularly have the power turned off that this would be worth learning.

Mark

• Permalink: I figured since hot dogs are our family’s main source of food and we regularly have the power...
• Added: April 26, 2020

Ben: Hey, you’re still gay, right?
Mark: Yup, all day, every day.
Ben: Good for you. You stay the course.

• Permalink: Good for you. You stay the course.
• Added: April 26, 2020

It’s not what you think. Harper has a new boyfriend and wanted to practice kissing. The next thing I knew she went all Twilight on my neck even though she knows I’m team Jacob.

Mark

• Permalink: It’s not what you think. Harper has a new boyfriend and wanted to practice kissing. The next...
• Added: April 26, 2020

Ben, the kids love and respect you which proves that you know nothing about parenting.

Darlene

• Permalink: Ben, the kids love and respect you which proves that you know nothing about parenting.
• Added: April 26, 2020

Ben: I know you’re screwed up and I still want to live with you. That makes me even more screwed up so if it fails it will be my fault.
Darlene: That shouldn’t make me feel better but it does.
Ben: That’s because you’re screwed up.

• Permalink: That’s because you’re screwed up.
• Added: April 26, 2020