The Conners
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCThe Conners Season 2 Episode 1: "Preemies, Weed, and Infidelity" Quotes
You know you can roll up a body in a carpet. A little something to put in your pocket for later.
Dan
When I’m supposed to be with Ben, I’m with David. When I’m supposed to be with David, I’m with Ben. When I’m supposed to be with the kids, I’m with Ben or David.
Darlene
Beverly: I just don’t know what all the fuss is about. In my day we wrapped the baby in a napkin and took it home in our purse.
Jackie: Mom, you’re confusing it with stealing muffins from a restaurant.
Sweetheart, it’s your Aunt Jackie and Mommy, and we just wanted you to know that there’s no rush. There’s no money for college, and your Daddy’s been deported to Mexico, and there’s alcohol addiction in your genetic background.
Jackie
Nurse: Orderly, take the geriatric pregnancy into a room, please.
Becky: Geriatric? You are so lucky I can’t get up and come over there because a baby would fall out of me.
You know those signs that say, "If you lived here, you’d be home and having sex with Ben by now?" You’d be home and having sex with Ben by now.
Ben
Dan: You’ve got a problem; your daughter’s selling pot cookies at school.
Darlene: What? How come when I get home it’s never somebody got a scholarship?
Becky: This is all my fault. I’m too old and I drank too much and that’s why she was born too early.
Darlene: No, come on, don’t do that Becky. You know, I did everything right with Harris and she was a premie and she turned out fine.
Becky: No, she didn’t!
Dan: You need to get your head in the game and raise your kids. I already raised mine.
Darlene: Oh, did you though? Cause I’m pretty sure it was Mom who raised us.
Dan: No, if we’re going to be honest, the TV did.
Jackie: Every time she tries to raise her little arms she punches herself in the head.
DJ: She’s definitely a Conner.
