Harris: In honor of my new job and my 30% discount, I say we all get a family tattoo.
Dan: Yes! Something that represents who we are. Something that says Conner.
Jackie: Here’s a sinking ship. It doesn’t get more Conner than that.
Darlene: A house on fire seems appropriate.
Becky: A mushroom cloud kind of says us.

• Permalink: A mushroom cloud kind of says us.
• Added: March 24, 2020

Darlene: I’m on my own too. David lives like five minutes away and I’m still dealing with Harris’ problems by myself. How did we both wind up raising kids alone?
Becky: I’m an alcoholic and you married a loser.

• Permalink: I’m an alcoholic and you married a loser.
• Added: March 24, 2020

Becky: They think I’m trapping him with my sex tricks.
Darlene: You’ve got tricks? Why aren’t we talking about that?

• Permalink: You’ve got tricks? Why aren’t we talking about that?
• Added: March 24, 2020

It turns out nobody likes a teething, screaming baby at a restaurant.

Jackie

• Permalink: It turns out nobody likes a teething, screaming baby at a restaurant.
• Added: March 24, 2020

Nobody learns from their successes. You only learn from failure so when you pull yourself out of this dark pit of despair you’re going to be so much smarter. I mean if, because some people don’t make it.

Jackie

• Permalink: Nobody learns from their successes. You only learn from failure so when you pull yourself out...
• Added: March 24, 2020

The kid had a tough break but she’ll bounce back. None of us ever have but I’ve seen it happen in other families, mostly on TV.

Dan

• Permalink: The kid had a tough break but she’ll bounce back. None of us ever have but I’ve seen it...
• Added: March 24, 2020