Hey Lisa, nice suit. That was a compliment, not harassment.


We're talking about Judge Hunter here. I mean, how do we humanize that guy? It's like trying to humanize a weed whacker.


Zoe: I think Judge Hunter might be bossier than Nick.
Lisa: Hard to imagine.

Max: What kind of tour bus does Willie Nelson drive on?
Detective: A cannabis.

Max: Morelli? Mind stopping somewhere and getting me a Cherry Cola, a pack of Spearmint gum, and a Mountain Dew? My mouth is kind of dry.
Nick: Try shutting it.

I'm tense. I eat when I'm tense!


Pete: Hey, Nicolito. No sexo, por favor.
Nick: Get out of here.
Pete: Put that phone down!

Pete: See what you're doing there, Nick? You're giving her all the power. Checking your phone. Making sure you got service. Did she call? Didn't she call?
Nick: Shut up.

Nick: What are you saying? That I look like a lonely schlubby loser? Is that what you're saying? Is that the deal?
Pete: No, Nick, not at all. In fact, you're looking good these days. You've been working out. I can tell. A little bigger up top, tighter in the middle, and you've got that bead thing going. Hey and that yoga's paying off too. Your butt, very firm.

Pete: What are you doing? You called her didn't you?
Nick: Maybe. Maybe, yeah I left her message or two. Two messages.
Pete: Nicky.
Nick: C'mon this is complicated. Don't call her. Call her. Texting, Facebook, intersect.

Email is way too impersonal. You need to text her. But only after you Facebook stalk. You know, see if she commented on the date, or if there is pictures of her with other guys making out.


Pete: She is way too hot for him. Girls that hot don't go for anyone less than an eight.
Nick: What are you talking about? How about a guy with charm, or humor, or girth?

The Defenders Quotes

Pretend you're a professional.


Stop having your wife followed or I'll file a restraining order myself.