Eleanor: So to recap: You found out the Bad Place made a Michael suit, freaked out, didn't tell us why, and then later you lied to me about why you freaked out?

It's more than that. You guys will never look at me the same way again. I won't just be Michael. I'll be some disgusting mess of burning tentacles.

Michael

Michael said there's nothing he could say that would make you realize he's really him, but Janet does have a thing she can say that does make me realize she is really not her.

Jason

They said everyone in the Bad Place was evil and beyond repair. I don't know if I believe that anymore.

Glenn

I'm probably just going to mess it up like I messed things up with Janet.

Jason

I went too far. And what's worse...I liked it. Because I'm angry at him for leaving me. Which isn't even remotely fair because he sacrificed himself for us, but I'm still angry he abandoned me. Which makes me feel guilty, which makes me angry, which makes me want to talk to Chidi because he's the person I go to when I'm angry. So, it's a real fun cycle.

Eleanor

I just want you to recognize that your blog hurt people. You have a chance to be better here.

Tahani

No, shut up for a sec! I'm not a Buddhist monk. My name is Jason Mendoza. I'm a DJ from Florida, and I'm not supposed to be here! You gotta help me out, homie. I'm scared.

Jason

I know that's silly. This is the Good Place. You two would never do anything to hurt anyone, but I am seriously worried that I did something wrong. And this is the universe getting back at me.

Chidi

If all you care about in the world is the velvet rope you will always be unhappy no matter what side you're on. You and I are proof of that.

Tahani

Eleanor: Well this was a huge success!
Michael: Chidi's an absolute mess.

I didn't ask for this! I'm only doing it because Michael, who is supposed to be in charge, had a nervous breakdown the second it started! But, maybe you can do it better than me. Tahani can be in charge since she's so smart. Or better yet, Jason, maybe all of humanity can be saved with one good old fashioned Jacksonville carnival.

Eleanor

The Good Place Quotes

I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good. So I simply did myself.

Tahani

Eleanor: So you can’t even lie to demons? They’re trying to torture us, man! We’re behind enemy lines!
Chidi: Well, principles aren’t principles when you pick and choose when you’re gonna follow them!