The League Quotes
Doctor: Stress?
Ruxin: Yeah, stress is real. I'm the commissioner of my fantasy football league.
Doctor: You've brought that up several times.
Ruxin: Doctor, I don't understand why you'd think I would lie to you.
Doctor: I don't know why you would lie to me. You seem to do it almost on instinct.
Ruxin: Yeah, that is my knee-jerk reaction--to lie. I'm just more comfortable swimming in those waters.
All women love "The Bachelor." This is like having a bunch of homeless Chris Harrisons!
Andre
Gina: Don't you just love bum fights?
Pete: Of course I love bum fights! Who doesn't love a good bum fight?
Pete: I'm just focused on the hate-date.
Jenny: I don't know, Pete.
Andre: What about those flowers you got her?
Pete: They were hate flowers.
Andre: And the poem you wrote her?
Pete: Hate poem.
Taco: You can lead a horse to horse-c*ck, but you can't make him eat it.
Ruxin: That is not a Chinese proverb.
Taco: That's what it said on my fortune scrotum!
Andre: Gina, you look absolutely stunning tonight.
Gina: Thank you, although it's not really a compliment coming from you, because you look like you run the jerk-off stand at a Romanian sex circus.
Remember--his weak spot is his d*ck!
Rafi
It smelled like Nick Nolte and Gary Busey were doing squats in there.
Ruxin
Kevin: You trade-roofied me!
Andre: I didn't come here to have my character assassinated, like Lincoln at the end of the movie--spoiler alert!
Ruxin: Are you on bath salts right now?
Rafi: Oh yeah, big time.
So it could be Alzheimer's OR adultery.
Kevin
