The Magicians Season 5 Episode 3: "The Mountain of Ghosts" Quotes
Eliot: Well, your subjects are rightly grateful.
Margo: For sending that letter, a.k.a. that thing I totally didn’t do. You did.
Eliot: Why split a hair? Let them bake cookies.
Margo: Lie cookies?
Eliot: It’s not a lie. You saved them through me, your advisor, acting on your behalf.
Margo: Nice retcon.
Eliot: Then as a wise king once said: ovary up. Let your subjects be inspired by a simple, uncomplicated story. That’s what the people want.
Eliot: Where are you going, and why are you dressed like a goth survivalist?
Alice: Fillory, just quick.
Eliot: What’d you got there?
Alice: Nothing. I did a thing; this is a byproduct. I just have to take care of it.
Eliot: Alice, do you need help? You seem a little bit distressed.
Alice: I’m fine. I just have to do it alone.
Eliot: I’m sorry. You pulled an actual piece of Quentin’s soul out of his … that is insane. What if it’s …
Alice: Keeping him from resting?
Eliot: Well, is it?
Alice: Look, I just need to get to the top of this mountain and throw it in.
Eliot: The Mountain of Ghosts that Rupert Chatwin was looking for before the band of aggressive talking squirrels kidnapped him? I’m finally reading the books. Margo’s been on my ass about it. Anyway, is that it? The one with the hole at the top that goes all the way to …
Alice: Down to the Underworld? Yes.
Eliot: Well, this is too important; I’m helping.
Alice: I don’t need your help.
Eliot: Well, you’re getting it.
Julia: So, while you’re waiting.
Penny: God, that’s always a great idea, but I really do have a headache.
Julia: No, I need a ride.
Tour guide: Umber’s dead. Don’t tell me you’re grievers?
Alice: What’s wrong with that?
Tour guide: You’re not prepared for the mountain. You can’t run fast because you’ve been sitting around eating cake and crying.
Eliot: OK, I can grieve and handle a little cardio, thank you very much.
Alice: Yeah, we’re Magicians; we’ll be fine.
Tour guide: Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Eliot: What did you mean by not my pilgrimage?
Alice: I mean, I’m here putting my boyfriend to rest, and you tagged along.
Eliot: Right, because I barely knew him.
Alice: You know what I mean. You’re here out of some sort of combination of thinking I’m incompetent and your guilt that he died saving you.
Eliot: You know what, you are way too smart for me to ascribe what you just said to total stupidity, so I’m going to go ahead and file it under, ‘You must be fucking joking right now.’
Alice: No, I’m not. This is hard enough without you judging me every step of the way.
Eliot: Is that how you don’t bicker because that would explain a lot about how you and Q kept falling apart, beyond the obvious of course.
Alice: The obvious?
Alice: Like drunk threesomes with you and Margo?
Eliot: Oh, um, solid point, but I was thinking more of that one time when you betrayed all of us, I ended up possessed, and Q died cleaning up the mess.
Josh: OK, so I got some kind of bad news. Fillory has two moons, and if either of is full, then wolf time.
Margo: So one of them’s full soon?
Josh: Both are, tomorrow night, which is why your wolf PMS is acting so bad now.
Margo: I’m about to be a double werewolf?
Josh: It’s OK because there’s still cages. I checked, so it’s totally fine.
Margo: It’s not fine.
Josh: You’re doing great.
Margo: No, the skin hardening spell I keep trying to cast, so I don’t get flayed alive, only stuck to the left half of my body. And also, I want to murder everything.
Josh: Oh, uh more than usual?
Margo: Yes, in fact.
Josh: Well, maybe just some deep breaths, and you know, you got this.
Margo: Fuck breathing. I’m too annoyed to breathe, but I like you anyway. Thanks for the cheerleading wolf boy.
Josh: God damn.
Margo: We’ve been wasting her, right?
Josh: This is like spy movie perfect. You’re both in the Dirty Dozen, and I’m the guy on the outside.
Referee: Fencicle, what is your persuasion?
Fen: I mostly date humans.
Referee: Are you a female? And you Janet?
Referee: There can, of course, only be one female centurion.
Josh: An Act III twist.
Referee: For all the obvious reasons …
Margo: Um, not obvious to me.
Referee: I know dear; that’s one of the reasons. You spar by the light of the glorious double full moon tomorrow night.
Fen: Tomorrow night?
Margo: That’s no good. I’ve got plans.
Fen: Me too. I mean …
Referee: Gravest apologies, but it’s the schedule.
Margo: Chuckle buddy, I have a sexually transmitted curse. Sun goes down tomorrow, I go wolf. This guy goes wolf.
Fen: Ember’s balls.
Margo: And her too for some reason. That what you want here? Sure to be entertaining. Probably be everyone in here’s last show.
Fen: Margo, Josh and I only did … six, or seven, or less than a dozen times, give or take. And we would have never, ever would have done it, if we had known …
Margo: Excuse me, I need to sharpen my ax.
Eliot: You’re a danger tourist?
Dark King: No, mourning someone.
Alice: Who was it? I mean, if you want to say.
Dark King: Well, the love of my life. Died ridiculously young, but he was a Magician, and there’s nothing more dangerous than that. My dreams were so filled with him; I was convinced he was haunting me. So I took his diary up to the top of the mountain and threw it in. I felt a little better, so who knows?
Dark King: Have you ever had love?
Eliot: Love, like …
Dark King: Love. It’s OK, you can say anything. I’m a stranger, and you’re drunk.
Eliot: The friend we’re putting to rest.
Dark King: Wasn’t just a friend. Does she know?
Eliot: God no.
Dark King: A torrid secret affair.
Eliot: Nothing like that.
Dark King: That seems a bit selfish then. I’m just saying that seems rather important information that he can’t give her.
Eliot: I mean, why punish her like that?
Dark King: Why spare her? You don’t close.
Eliot: Because she really, really loved him.
Dark King: So did you.