Ali: You're literally going to New York right now?
Bob: If Ruddy manages to survive this thing, he's going to need backup, and if he doesn't, I gotta be there to produce this thing myself.
Ali: Don't you have people who work for you that can deal with this?
Bob: Honey! I'm the head of the goddamned studio. I am the fuckin' people who deal with this.

Colombo: You got a lotta stones comin' here. All my life, I ain't never seen a broad inside. [chuckles]
Bettye: I'm not trying to make history. I came for Ruddy.

Charlie: You fucked me, Ruddy. You fucked me good! You destroyed my company.
Al: I'm sorry, but it's not my job to care about your company. My job is to do what's best for the movie, and I would do it all over again.

So nice of you to join us with the scene already wrapped.

Jack

Bob: And I thought you were fired.
Al: I was, and I am.
Bob: Then why are you here?
Al: This movie is important to a lot of people I care about. I thought I could help them out.
Bob: So the backstabbing producer shows up to save the day even though he can't save himself. Why in God's name did you do a press conference with Colombo.
Al: You were threatened. You asked me to deal with it. That was my way of dealin' with it.
Bob: You are one crazy mother fucker, you know that?
Al: Takes one to know one. We good, you and me?
Bob: Always booby. I wish I could say the same about you and Bluhdorn. I'm sorry.

Colombo: They made it so he can't even have an open coffin. That way, the people that love him can't say goodbye the right way. It's just not done. You did the right thing by comin' here. I appreciate that.
Al: Well, there's an old saying. Nobody should be invited to a funeral, and everyone should come.

Listen to me. You're still a putz, but I got Pacino. He's in the picture.

Bob

Al: What the fuck is this? A kitchen that cost seventy-five thousand dollars. Is this a joke?
Francis: They gotta cook.
Al: We're not openin' up a restaurant, Francis. They can pretend!

Charlie: They say movies are magic, but they don't care about magic, they care about money. And so do I.
Bettye: You're selling Paramount.

Agent Richmond: So, why did you walk away from Hogan's Heroes?
Al: TV's too limiting. You can't tell real stories on TV. It's fake. And Marlon Brando doesn't do TV.

Bob: I'll tell you what they're doing, Peter. They're using my success against me.
Peter: Nothing's set in stone.
Bob: They fought me tooth and nail. They told me not to make Love Story. I put my balls on the line. I knew people wanted a romance. I knew Ali was a star. I knew people would fall in love with her. I fuckin' delivered the biggest movie ever, EVER. And now, they're taking my baby away? Selling her off for spare parts? I don't think so. Fuck that!

It's what the movie needs.

Al

The Offer Quotes

I'm going to make an ice blue terrifying film about people you love.

Al

Colombo: They made it so he can't even have an open coffin. That way, the people that love him can't say goodbye the right way. It's just not done. You did the right thing by comin' here. I appreciate that.
Al: Well, there's an old saying. Nobody should be invited to a funeral, and everyone should come.