Michael: Nobody panic. The good news is... they can't fire all of us, right?
Oscar: They can.
Michael: No, they can't.
Oscar: Yes, they can.
Michael: Oscar, you don't know what the hell you are talking about.
Oscar: Michael, what do you think shutting down a branch is?
Michael: Alright, then we're screwed.

When Michael's skirting a phone call, he gave me a list of places to say he is. 'Stopping a fight in the parking lot.' 'An Obama fashion show.' Whatever... that is. Or 'trapped in an oil painting.' I'm gonna save that one.


Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh hi, David. [Michael shakes his head] No, I'm sorry he's not back from the Civil Rights rally. I'll have him call you the minute he gets back from the Lincoln Memorial.


My golden ticket idea? OK. Why would anyone think that this is my golden ticket idea? There is a one in 13 chance that this could be anybody's golden ticket idea. [sighs] That... [sighs again]


Michael: Sir. I placed a bunch of golden tickets into five separate boxes and some how they all ended up with Blue Cross. How does this happen?
Darryl: Were the boxes near each other?
Michael: Irrelevant.
Darryl: I put three pallets on the truck to Blue Cross once a week. They use a lot of paper.
Michael: OK, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest. What is a pallet?

Michael: Hey. Hey. Hey. You idiot.
Darryl: Start over.

Jim: How do you not spread out the tickets into different shipments?
Michael: I thought I did. So...
Jim: OK...
Michael: Well no harm no foul.
Jim: ...well I'm going to call corporate to make sure that they know I didn't lose half my sales.
Michael: You didn't, but... it'll be fine. It'll be good.

Michael: Hey, Oscar. Woo hoo hoo. Um, how much of a hit is ten percent of our Blue Cross account?
Oscar: Ten percent?
Michael: Yeah?
Oscar: They're our largest client.
Michael: Yeah.
Oscar: It's gonna hurt.
Jim: [on phone] Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec, Tom, what's that? You found five golden tickets? And does it say limit one per customer? Nope, it doesn't.

Andy: You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. 'Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.'
Pam: That's psychotic. Do guys actually do that?
Jim: Well guys with girlfriends don't.
Andy: That's low, Tuna.

Andy, Pam, and Jim are all telling me how to deal with this girl that I like, Lynn. I, I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I'm a textbook over-thinker.


Kevin: I think I should call her.
Andy: No! No! No!
Kevin: Why is it so bad for me to call and ask her to lunch today?
Andy: [sighs] You're making it too easy for her. You're just conveying, 'Oh I like you just the way you are.'
Kevin: But I do like her just the way she is.
Andy: Well that's not what we agreed on.
Jim: What are you doing?
Andy: Huh?
Jim: [to Kevin] Why don't you just go out on a date with her? Try to spark up an on going joke and then in a month or two, if it feels right, you'll know.
Andy: No.
Pam: You don't have to wait that long. I mean, you don't have to wait a month to ask her out. Just ask her out.
Andy: You're asking him to give up all of his power.
Jim: What power?

Michael: I've written these things because it is my responsibility, as manager of this branch, to profiligate great ideas and I think I have done my part with the golden ticket promotion. Now it is your turn. I want to hear some great ideas from you that are just as good as mine. [Jim raises hand] Umm hmm.
Jim: We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends --
Michael: Too many words. Good ideas are simple. 'Golden ticket.'
Jim: 'Free paper.'
Michael: No. Jim. We're a business. Post-its. That is a golden ticket idea. NASA took five or six golden ticket ideas to get man on the moon.
Andy: Golden Girls. That's a golden ticket idea, right, I mean how great was that show? Golden Grahams. Another, is it -- I don't get this...
Michael: No, you don't. No, it - [sighs] What will be the state of this company if I am the only one coming up with the great ideas? Right?

The Office Season 5 Episode 19 Quotes

Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: KGB.
Michael: KGB - [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: [in Russian accent] We will ask the questions!

Pam: [on phone] Yeah, that's no problem.
Michael: Pam?
Pam: [on phone] Sure. Uh huh.
Michael: Pam? Knock, knock.
Pam: I'm on the phone.
Michael: I know you are. Knock, knock.
Pam: [on phone] You can fax it over. Yeah, 5-7-0-5-5-5-0-1-
Michael: [at same time as Pam] 4-9-1-7-4-5-1
Pam: 0-1-7-5. Thank you. Bye, bye. [to Michael] It really makes us look unprofessional.
Michael: They would never know it was me doing it. Here we go, Knock, knock.
Pam: Who's there?
Michael: Buddha.
Pam: Buddha who?
Michael: [puts a slice of bread and stick of butter on Pam's desk] Buddha this bread for me, won't you?
Pam: Great.