Andy: Tuna! I'm engaged!
Jim: I know. That's awesome, man. That's great.
Andy: Mr. Andrew Bernard... got a nice ring to it.

Kelly: Can I be your bridesmaid?
Angela: No.

I've been carrying that ring around in my wallet for six years. Because you don't know when you're gonna meet the right girl and the moment's gonna be right. And tonight, with the fireworks, and the music, and everything... it was right.


Michael: My whole life, I have known two things: I love sex, and I want to have kids. And I always thought that those two things would go hand in hand, but now, I think it might be one or the other.

If I was 22, and I had lots of time to have lots of children, then sure, let's let Michael have a shot at one of 'em. But, honestly, I need to make this one count.


Michael: Wow, I am so happy. I am so deliriously happy...
Jan: Why?
Michael: Because you're pregnant, and because it obviously happened when we were together. And, I am very...
Jan: Yeah, it did...
Michael: ... proud.
Jan: ... happen when...
Michael: Um...
Jan: ... we were together. That's true. And-but, you... are not... uh, you're not the dad.
Michael: You cheated on me... when I specifically asked you not to?
Jan: ...Not to. No, I did not. I did not cheat on you. I did not.
Michael: Well, okay...
Jan: Yeah.
Michael: So it's mine, and it's not somebody else's, so... I know... the whole toilet seat thing is a myth, so...
Jan: I went to a sperm bank.

Jan: Well it was good to see you.
Kevin: It was great to see you, Jan.
Jan: Yeah, so...
Michael: O-kay. Hello Jan.
Jan: Hello... Michael.
Michael: Wow, Kevin, really? We're- [to Jan] Sorry. We're in the middle of a party. Is this why you called me down here?
Kevin: Yeah, Michael, I just uh...
Jan: I...
Kevin: I think you kids have a lot to catch up on.
Michael: Oh, okay.
Kevin: Yeah.
Michael: Thanks, Kevin. Um...

[singing] Come tomorrow, feel no pain! Feel no pain! Toby! Toby! Tobee-yy! Toby's goin' away! See ya! He's outta here! See ya! He's outta here! Ohh! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Tooo-by!


I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. I'm gonna wear my hottest track suit, and get my hair done, and then be like, "Hi Ryan." And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, "Damn! Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend. Ooh, I would never have treated her so bad when I was outside of prison."


[from outside the conference room] Hey, it's the kid! Look, look, look, look, look! Hey! It's the temp! Look!


[leaving a message] Hey, Ryan, it's Jim. Look man, I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but you know what? I really don't care, because you're trying to get rid of me. And I bet you don't think I care enough about this job to actually fight back, but you're wrong, because I do, and I will. So you can keep trying to push me out of this place, but guess what? I'm not going anywhere.


Holly: Hey Kevin.
Kevin: Hi.
Holly: Do you need some help?
Kevin: I can't decide what to get.
Holly: Well, what do you like to eat?
Kevin: Well I like pretzels, but, I really like chips.
Holly: Hmm. Well how much money do you have there? Okay, let's see... fifty... Oh, this is a button. Okay. 55, 65, okay, you have 75 cents. So, that means you could get anything up in the top row.
Kevin: Hmm.

The Office Season 4 Episode 14 Quotes

Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked.


Dwight: So what do we know about her?
Michael: Well, we know that Toby thinks she'll be great. So strike one, I hate her already.
Dwight: I hate her, too.
Michael: Why do you hate her?
Dwight: Because she... stinks. With her... ways. And her... head.
Michael: You know Dwight, sometimes... I dunno, I think you say things just to agree with me.
Dwight: Would that be such a bad thing?
Michael: Yeah, it would! Just have a thought! Have an original thought! Although I will agree that her head is weird.