The Office Season 6 Episode 6: "Mafia" Quotes
Andy: What happened in there?
Michael: Nothing. Other than once again I am thankful that I am a paper salesman.
Dwight: Did he threaten you?
Michael: No Dwight, not everything is a threat.
Andy: Mobsters are!
Michael: There is no such thing as monsters.
Andy: He drives an SUV.
Dwight: I knew it! More trunk-space. Or should I say corpse space.
Ok too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.
Michael
Kevin: Hello?
Operator: Mr. Halpert? I'm calling from the identity theft department at Capital One. We've detected some unusual activity on your credit card.
Kevin: Oh man do you think it was stolen?
Operator: Sir could you mind verifying your home address?
Kevin: Um, yes, um... [picks up an envelope] Three eight three Linden Ave., Scranton, PA.
Operator: And may I have the last four digits of your social security?
Kevin: Six six five zero.
Operator: Well Mr. Halpert, you're obviously not in San Juan Puerto Rico.
Kevin: Wait a minute, yes I am--
Operator: We're going to go ahead and put a hold on your card.
Kevin: No- that- I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer.
Andy: What do you think?
Dwight: I think you're right. Definitely looks suspicious. And his Southern Italian heritage raises some flags.
If there is one thing I hate more than the mafia is a liar. I wish the mafia would go out and kill all the liars. Bury them in my yard. And I wouldn't tell the cops a thing. Not that I would be lying per se but I would just get really quiet all of a sudden.
Michael
Kevin: I wouldn't last in jail, Oscar, I'm not like you.
Oscar: What's that supposed to mean?
Kevin: Oh you don't know about jail? Oh you would LOVE jail.
Oscar: Why would I love jail.
Kevin: Because [pauses] you would love it.
Michael: I will have the spaghetti. With a side salad.
Waitress: Ok.
Michael: If the salad is on top, I send it back.
Jim's gone on his honeymoon. So I started borrowing his office, to fart in. Then one day, I came in, and I just stayed. 'Cause this place is awesome. It feels like home now. Even better than my home. My home sucks.
Kevin
There is nothing more insulting to a great salesman than having to listen to a bad salesman. It's like a great basketball player having to listen to a bad basketball player.
Michael
[to woman] So your car's totaled. Uh. You should probably wanna get a refund on that. Or my guy could do it he's great but uh ... I can't do that for you. I work exclusively on motorcycles.
Andy
Hi. Sorry. Crazy day. You've seen how the sausage gets made, come in the conference room and I will show you a finished sausage.
Michael
Michael: What you people don't know, about business I could fill a book with.
Ryan: Then do it.
Michael: What.
Ryan: Write a book.
[cut to Michael in his office]
Michael: The Fundamentals of Business by Michael Scott. Over one billion sold. More than the Bible. I'm not surprised. Chapter one...
