The Office Season 5 Episode 1: "Weight Loss" Quotes
I'm excited to lose weight for the wedding, because I really want to have washboard abs the first time Angela sees me naked.
Andy
Meredith: What should we do with all these leftovers?
Stanley: I'm taking the dumplings for my wife.
Dwight: No, no, no. This is your last meal. There will be no leftovers.
Creed: I can bring these to my shelter.
Michael: All right, everybody. This is your last meal, so eat up.
Dwight: From this point forward, you will not use the bathroom. We need to keep our starting weights high so we can lose more.
Ryan: Kelly.
Kelly: Oh, hello Ryan. You look well.
Ryan: I wanted to say I'm sorry... for treating you bad the past couple years. I was in my mid-20s and I was going through a lot of stuff. I think I never fully processed 9/11.
Kelly: I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
[cut to interview]
Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.
What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.
Michael
Dwight: Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow.
Jim: [looks to Michael for a "That's what she said," but Michael is silent] Really? Nothing?