Jim: What happened to you?
Michael: Captain Jack has a problem with authority.
Jim: Oh, right, 'cause you announced that his ship was sinking.
Michael: He just totally lost it. If you ask me he caused the panic.

Captain Jack: I need a volunteer to come up and hold my stick.
Dwight: Me me me!
Captain Jack: Ah. Usually it's a woman.
Dwight: I'm stronger.

Pam: Getting kinda rowdy down there.
Jim: Yeah. Darryl, Darryl, Darryl.
Pam: Sometimes I just don't get Roy.
Jim: Well...
Pam: Well, I mean, I don't know. So... What's it like dating a cheerleader?
Jim: Oh... um....
Pam: I'm cold.

Michael: Who's seen Titanic?
Jim: I'm not really sure what movie you're talking about. Are you sure you've got the title right?
Pam: I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October.

Last year Michael's theme was 'bowl over the competition.' So guess where we went.

Oscar

Captain Jack: But I'm not only your ship's captain, I'm also your PARTY CAPTAIN!
Michael: YEAH, I'M YOUR PARTY CAPTAIN TOO!
Captain Jack: Michael, please.
Michael: And we are gonna... rock it!
Captain Jack: If you would just...
Michael: You are gonna put on your dancin' shoes later on! If the boat's rockin', don't come knockin'!

What is with the guy jumping overboard? If he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now, and not all wet.

Michael

Dwight: Don't worry Michael, I'm taking us to shore!
Michael: It's a fake wheel, dummy!

I got myself in secret santa. I was supposed to tell somebody... but I didn't.

Kevin

Kelly: [kisses Dwight]
Dwight: What are you doing?!
Kelly: I don't know.
Dwight: You shouldn't do things like that. A man's supposed to do that.

Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets Christmas.

Dwight

So Phyllis is basically saying "Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's-worth." I gave Ryan an iPod!

Michael

The Office Season 2 Quotes

TMI? — "Too Much Information." Uh, it's just easier to say TMI. I used to say "don't go there," but that's lame. Hey, what ever happened to 'wheres the beef?'? That was funny for a while...

Michael

A lot of the people here don't get trophies very often, like Meredith or Kevin, I mean who's going to give Kevin an award, Dunkin' Donuts? Plus, bonus, it's really really funny. So I, you know, an employee will go home, and he'll tell his neighbor, "Hey, did you get an award?" And the neighbor will say, "No man. I mean I slave all day and nobody notices me." Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from the neighbor's house. Neighbor's hanged himself, due to lack of recognition.

Michael