Captain Jack: I need a volunteer to come up and hold my stick.
Dwight: Me me me!
Captain Jack: Ah. Usually it's a woman.
Dwight: I'm stronger.

Pam: Getting kinda rowdy down there.
Jim: Yeah. Darryl, Darryl, Darryl.
Pam: Sometimes I just don't get Roy.
Jim: Well...
Pam: Well, I mean, I don't know. So... What's it like dating a cheerleader?
Jim: Oh... um....
Pam: I'm cold.

Michael: Who's seen Titanic?
Jim: I'm not really sure what movie you're talking about. Are you sure you've got the title right?
Pam: I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October.

Last year Michael's theme was 'bowl over the competition.' So guess where we went.


Captain Jack: But I'm not only your ship's captain, I'm also your PARTY CAPTAIN!
Captain Jack: Michael, please.
Michael: And we are gonna... rock it!
Captain Jack: If you would just...
Michael: You are gonna put on your dancin' shoes later on! If the boat's rockin', don't come knockin'!

What is with the guy jumping overboard? If he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now, and not all wet.


Dwight: Don't worry Michael, I'm taking us to shore!
Michael: It's a fake wheel, dummy!

I got myself in secret santa. I was supposed to tell somebody... but I didn't.


Kelly: [kisses Dwight]
Dwight: What are you doing?!
Kelly: I don't know.
Dwight: You shouldn't do things like that. A man's supposed to do that.

Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets Christmas.


So Phyllis is basically saying "Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's-worth." I gave Ryan an iPod!


Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say "Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth."


The Office Season 2 Quotes

Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.


Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. [types] 'Little Kid Lover'. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.