Keyali: This has to be the most insane thing that's ever happened on this ship.
LaMarr: One time I almost died because I humped a statue.
Malloy: Isaac once cut my leg off.
LaMarr: The Captain and Commander made up in a zoo.
Malloy: And Bortus almost crashed the ship because of porn.
Keyali: I see.

I don't know. The galaxy is full of so many unhappy people. Why ignore something good?

Keyali

Isaac: I was merely attempting to provide Dr. Finn with the most dutifully calibrated coital experience.
Malloy: No. Yeah, that's what women want -- dutiful coitus.

Y'know, there's something seriously wrong with all of us when the most stable relationship on the Orville is Isaac's.

Malloy

Grayson: Malloy, don't be cocky. They have to hit us for the test to work.
Malloy: Yes, sir. Dumbing it down.

Malloy: When Moclans break up, is there, like, all that stabbing like with the divorce?
Bortus: No, each Moclan extracts a tooth and leaves it with his former mate.
Malloy: Yeah, I knew it had to be something like that.

Topa: What is a relationship?
Bortus: It is what comes before the egg.

Mercer: There's no rule book for this one. You just have to take everything you know about her, every bit of data, and do something you've never done.
Isaac: What is that?
Mercer: Be creative.

Mercer: She's gotten under your skin.
Isaac: I do not have skin.
Mercer: Your various programs are used to her and, it turns out, she's not so easy to just... delete.

We are, without a doubt, the weirdest ship in the fleet.

Malloy

It's the best it's ever been for me. And maybe it's okay it doesn't look like I thought it would. Maybe it's okay that it looks like a woman and a vacuum cleaner.

Dr. Finn

The moment he transformed, it was one of the most moving experiences I ever had. A machine who knows nothing of love, only logic, figured out a way to say,'I'm trying. Let me try.'

Dr. Finn

The Orville Season 2 Quotes

Mercer: Y'know what the worst days are, Olix? The days when you can't stay busy. No Krill confrontations. No spatial anomalies. Just nothing going on. And all your thoughts just march inward.
Olix: So most days.

Mercer: How long you had that thing?
Bartender: I had the computer replicate it last week. I'm trying to warm the place up a little bit, y'know? Get a nice vibe going.
Mercer: The late-night-jazz-depressed-guy-at-the-bar vibe? I can help you with that.