Chief Wiggum: You wouldn't happen to know anything about a cigarette truck that was hijacked outside of town, would you?
Fat Tony: What's a truck?
Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!

• Permalink: You wouldn't happen to know anything about a cigarette truck tha...
• Added: February 18, 2010

(to Fat Tony) I'm not gonna stop until one of us is in jail. (pause) You!

Chief Wiggum

• Permalink: I'm not gonna stop until one of us is in jail. You!
• Added: February 18, 2010

I'm here defending you on the charges of . . . (looks at sheet) Murder One!? Even if I lose I'll be famous!

Lionel Hutz

• Permalink: I'm here defending you on the charges of . . . Murder One!? Eve...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Chief Wiggum: You're all under arrest for the murder of Seymour Skinner!
Fat Tony: What's a murder?
Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!

• Permalink: You're all under arrest for the murder of Seymour Skinner! Wha...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Homer: How much does it pay?
Bart: Thirty bucks a week!
Homer: Pfft! I make more than that.

• Permalink: How much does it pay? Thirty bucks a week! Pfft! I make more...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Fat Tony: Pick a horse, kid. We're putting two dollars on the third race. Make it a good one.
Bart: Eat my shorts!
Fat Tony: Eat My Shorts? Okay, let's see ... wait a minute, you little punk! Eat My Shorts is in the fifth race! I said the third race!
Bart: Don't have a cow.
Fat Tony: Hmm, Don't Have A Cow in the third, put a deuce on him.

• Permalink: Pick a horse, kid. We're putting two dollars on the third race. ...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
Bart: What kind of game?
Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
Principle Skinner: Yes, well... Get started.

• Permalink: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a g...
• Added: February 18, 2010

I'm going to eat chocolate till I barf!

Ralph

• Permalink: I'm going to eat chocolate till I barf!
• Added: February 18, 2010

Mrs. Krabappel: Bart Simpson, you're late. Go fill out a tardy slip.
Bart: But I'm only five... (looks at clock) ten, twenty... forty minutes? That's pretty damn late!

• Permalink: Bart Simpson, you're late. Go fill out a tardy slip. But I'm o...
• Added: February 18, 2010

You ate my homework? I didn't know dogs really did that.

• Permalink: You ate my homework? I didn't know dogs really did that.
• Added: February 18, 2010

Lionel Hutz: Mr Simpson, you've been the boys father for ten years, do you really think he could be the leader of a murderous criminal syndicate?
Homer: Well not the leader, I mean... Oh it's true it's true, all the pieces fit!

• Permalink: Mr Simpson, you've been the boys father for ten years, do you re...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Lady: Some large men to see you, sir.
Skinner: Uh, I don't have an appointment with any large men...
Fat Tony: Are you Skinner?
Skinner: I'm Principal Skinner, yes! And how may I ask did you get past the hall monitors?

• Permalink: Some large men to see you, sir. Uh, I don't have an appointmen...
• Added: February 18, 2010