The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 3 Episode 21: "Black Widower" Quotes
Sideshow Bob: Bart, I must know. How did you untangle my web?
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Bart, pull us in!
Bart: Well, I'd hate to tell the number one cop in town how to do his job.
Chief Wiggum: No, no, please. It's the only way I'll learn.
Gee, if some snot-nosed little kid sent me to prison, the first thing out, I'd find out where he lives, and tear him a new belly button!
Homer
Sideshow Bob: Ah, Mr. Simpson, you're forgetting the first two noble truths of the Buddha.
Homer: I am not!
Her only hopes were a clucky young boy and his slow-witted father.
Bart
Bart: Aunt Selma has one hour to live!
Homer: Hey, down in front!
Selma: And here's another breathtaking sight... my brand new hubby!
Sideshow Bob: I wanted a room with a fireplace you blasted monkey... Oh Selma dear... I was just chatting with my good friend... Dennis! Now, smile for the camera, there's a good lad!
If he was going to commit a crime, would he have invited the number one cop in town? Now where did I put my gun? Oh yeah, I set it down when I got a piece of cake.
Chief Wiggum
Marge: Krusty, say something funny!
Krusty: Uh, gee, a joke, uuhummeh ah funny, okay, this guy walks into a bar, he takes out a tiny piano, and a twelve inch pianist, oh, no, wait, I can't tell that one!
Lisa: I could have been the flower girl; I wouldn't keep falling down, either!
Bart: Hey, they chose Maggie, okay?
Lisa: Yeah, well if you wanna go for cutesiness instead of competence, fine.
Selma: What did I miss?
Patty: MacGyver was wearing a tank top!
Selma: Dang!
Sideshow Bob: Well Selma, I thought I was the only man in your life?
Selma: Sit down and shut up!
Homer: Ooh, appetizers!
Sideshow Bob: Well Homer, what should we serve?
Homer: Well, you can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They taste as good as they look, and they come with this delicious red sauce, it looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain't ketchup.
(vision test at the DMV)
Hans Moleman: A, G, Q, 7.
Selma: Close enough. May you drive safely, and find true love.
