Man: Umm, excuse me. What are you doing?
Mr. Burns: I'm giving you the beating of your life!

Oh, I'm going to lose my job just because I'm dangerously unqualified.

Wait a minute, I'll put on my snow pants.


Boy, I can't wait to take some of the starch out of that stuffed shirt!

Finally, the great taste of Worcester sauce in a soft drink. Ahh, steaky.


Lisa: List your three favorite books and how they have influenced your life.
Homer: Is "TV Guide" a book?
Lisa: No.
Homer: "Son of Sniglet?"
Lisa: No.
Homer: Katherine Hepburn's "Me?"
Lisa: No!
Homer: Oh, I suck!

Dad, start digging some nerd holes!


Oh, you'll pay! Don't think you won't pay!

Richard Nixon

Smithers, dismember the corpse and send his widow a corsage.

Mr. Burns

College?! Barber or clown?


Homer: Look, I'm supposed to get a physics tutor.
Nerd 1: Well, you've come to the right place then. If there's one thing we know, it is science.
Nerd 2: And math.
Nerd 3: And the words to every Monty Python routine.
Nerds: (in unison) We are the Knights Who Say Ni! Ni!
Homer: Heh heh Ni.

That sounds like a pig fainting!


The Simpsons Season 5 Episode 3 Quotes

Benjamin: Come on, Mr. Simpson, you'll never pass this course without learning the periodic table.
Homer: I'll write it on my hand.
Benjamin: Hoh! Including all known lanthanides & actinides? Good luck!

Lisa: Nerds are nothing to fear, Dad. In fact, some nerds of note include popcorn magnate Orville Redenbacher, rock star David Byrne, and Supreme Court Justice David Souter.
Homer: Oh no! Not Souter! (buries face in hands) Oh nooo!