The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Episode 11: "Homer the Vigilante" Quotes
Jimbo: Hey, you're that drunken posse. Wow! Can I join ya?
Homer: I don't know, can you swing a sack of doorknobs?
Jimbo: Can I!
Homer: You're in. Here's the sack.
Moe: But you gotta supply your own doorknobs.
There was something different about the way he was walking that day. Much more vertical than usual. (Molloy was climbing with rappel.)
</i> Grampa
Kent Brockman: When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? This reporter isn't saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be. So, professor: would you say it's time for everyone to panic?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.
Homer: Hello, Police? Are you sitting down? Good! I wish to report a robbery.
Chief Wiggum: (bored) A robbery, right. Thanks for the report. (hangs up) That's another one, Lou 723 Evergreen Terrace. (Looks at a map with the robbery locations marked on it) Well, there doesn't seem to be any pattern yet, but if I take this one and move it hereand I move these over here hello! It almost looks like an arrow!
Lou: Hey, look, Chief: it's pointing right at this police station.
Chief Wiggum: Let's get out of here!
People can come up with statistics to prove anything Kent. Forty percent of people know that!
Homer: (reading the paper) "Asleep at the switch"! I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!
Bart: I believe you, dad.
Oh my God! Underage kids drinking without a permit!
Kent Brockman: Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.
Homer: So, Mr. Malloy, it seems that the cat has been caught by the very person who was trying to catch him.
Principal Skinner: How ironic.
Kent Brockman: Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been committing?
Homer: Oh Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes.
Kent Brockman: (pause) Mmm, touch.
Homer: Lisa, the mob is working on getting your saxophone back, but we've also expanded into other important areas. (pulls out a piece of paper) Literacy programs. Preserving our beloved covered bridges. World domination--
Lisa: World domination?
Homer: Uh, heh, that might be a typo.
Homer's Brain: Mental note, the girl knows too much.
Grampa: You see? Old people aren't so useless after all. Malloy's old and he outsmarted the lot of you. And I'm even older and I outsmarted him. (Laughs)
Moe: Shut up.
Grampa: I've had my moment.
