(on the phone) You heard me, I won't be in for the rest of the week... I told you, my baby beat me up... Oh, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up.


Kent Brockman: So you have no professional objection to Itchy & Scratchy?
Marvin Monroe: No not at all, in fact, uh, one of my guilty little pleasures is to snuggle up with a big bucket of buttered popcorn, dim the lights, listen to Itchy and Scratchy, and laugh myself silly. Now what the hell is wrong with that?

Roger Meyers Jr: That screwball Marge Simpson, we've got to stop her... But how?
Animator: Drop an anvil on her?
1st Board Member: Hit her on the head with a piano?
2nd Board Member: Stuff her full of TNT and then throw a match down her.

It's no trouble, I've got a whole garage full of tools I never use!


Roger Meyers Jr.: Listen you're so smart, how do we end this picture?
Marge: Hmm... well, what's the problem you're having?
Roger Meyers Jr.: Ok, here it is: Itchy just stole Scratchy's ice cream cone and--
Animator: No, make it a pie. Pies are easier to draw.
Roger Meyers Jr.: Okay, a pie! Anyway, Scratchy is understandably upset.
Marge: Uh huh.
Roger Meyers Jr.: So we figured he could, you know, just grab Itchy and toss him in a bucket of acid.
Marge: Oh, dear!
Roger Meyers Jr.: But then we remembered that this might be interpreted as violence, which is morally wrong now thanks to you. So, what's your big idea? How do we end this?
Marge: Hmm... let's see. Umm... oh! Couldn't Itchy share his pie with Scratchy? Then they would both have pie!
Roger Meyers Jr.: (Looks at the story board) It's different, I'll give you that.

Krusty: Hi, kids! (Laughs) Guess what, Sideshow Mel?
(Mel slides his whistle) It's time for Itchy and Scratchy!
Audience: B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
Krusty: Hey, hey! Settle down boys and girls, or Krusty will have to bring out his old friend, Corporal Punishment again.

The Simpsons Season 2 Episode 9 Quotes

Is it a masterpiece? Or just some guy with his pants down?


(Homer and Marge visit the Statue of David exhibit)
Homer: Well, there he is. Michelangelo's Dave.
Marge: Hmm, David.
Homer: Oh.