A rabbi would never exaggerate. A rabbi composes. He creates thoughts. He tells stories that may never have happened. But he does not exaggerate.

Rabbi Krustofsky

Bart: Poor Krusty.
Lisa: A man who envies our family is a man who needs help.

Here you go, Bart. It's a long shot, but that's all I can do without learning ancient Hebrew. (Bart stares at her) Bart! I am not going to learn ancient Hebrew!


Bart: Hello, my name's Dimitri. I'm a first-time caller, long-time listener. My question is, if a son defies his father and chooses a career that makes millions of children happy; shouldn't the father forgive the son?
Rev. Lovejoy: I think so.
Msgr. D: Yes, of course.
Rabbi Krustofsky: No way! Absolutely not! Never, never! Who screens these calls? Who's in charge here? There's nobody in charge? They leave a building without people watching it...

Bart: Krusty, are you all right?
Krusty: Yes, it's just that saying the bracha brings back a lot of painful memories, the old days, my... my father...
Homer: Hey, Krusty, you going to finish that meatloaf or what?

Homer: He's talking funny-talk!
Lisa: No Dad, that's Hebrew! Krusty must be Jewish.
Homer: A Jewish entertainer? Get out of here!

Bart: Krusty, you don't have to be `on' tonight.
Homer: What are you talking about! Of course he does!
Lisa: No Dad, Krusty is our guest. Your pratfalls and Punchinello antics aren't necessary here.

Krusty: (Singing) Oh Mein Papa, to me he was so wonderful, Oh Mein Papa, to me he was so good, no one could be, so gentle and so loveable, Oh Mein Papa he always understood!
Moe: I've got something in my eye.
Barney: Here, take my hanky.
Moe: Euueeh!

Boys and girls, I'd like to be serious for a moment if I may. Spotlight, please. I just wanted spotlight moves away from Krusty I just wan (spotlight moves away again) Come on guys, I'm not doing the spotlight bit.


Lisa: Bart, we've been going about this all wrong. What's the one thing Rabbi's prize above everything else?
Bart: Those stupid hats?
Lisa: No, Bart! Knowledge!

Lovejoy: I do a radio call-in show with him every Sunday night!
Bart: Really?
Lisa: I didn't know that.
Lovejoy: Gee, uh, I mention it in my sermon every week.
Bart: Oh, oh, that radio show!
Lisa: Oh yeah! It's all the kids talk about on Monday at school.
Lovejoy: Oh, well, why don't you have a free t-shirt. You'll be the coolest kids in the playground!
Bart: He, he we'll put 'em on later -- now.

Didn't Itchy Junior look happy playing with his father? And didn't Scratchy Junior look happy playing with his dad until they got run over by a thresher?


The Simpsons Season 3 Episode 6 Quotes

Krusty: Ooh! Sex Chat! (dials)
Voice: You've reached the Party Line! In a moment, you'll be connected to a hot party, with some of the world's most beautiful women! Now, let's join the party!
Krusty: Hello?
Man 1: Hello?
Man 2: Hello?
Apu: Are there any women here?
Krusty: Hello!?
Apu: Are you a beautiful woman?
Krusty: Do I sound like a beautiful woman?
Apu: This is not as hot a party as I anticipated.

Bart: Poor Krusty.
Lisa: A man who envies our family is a man who needs help.