The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 3 Episode 1: "Stark Raving Dad" Quotes
Homer: (talking in sleep) Cakes, football, boobies.
Michael Jackson (Leon): Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.
Michael Jackson (Leon): You seem like a nice guy, why did they put you in here?
Homer: Cuz I wore a pink shirt?
Michael Jackson (Leon): I understand. People thought I was crazy for the way I dressed.
Homer: What did you wear?
Michael Jackson (Leon): One white glove, covered with Rhinestones.
Homer: (rubs finger up and down his lips making a 'bibbity bobbity sound)
Michael Jackson (Leon): I can't believe you never heard of me, I'm a very popular entertainer!
Homer: Oh of course I've heard of you, you'd have to be living under a rock not to know... what did you say your name was?
Homer: Lisa you like homework, could you fill out this form for me?
Lisa: Well, alright. If you listen to the poem I just wrote.
Homer: D'oh! Okay.
Lisa: I had a cat named Snowball, she died, she died. Mom said she was sleeping, she lied, she lied! Why, oh why is my cat dead? Couldn't that Chrysler hit me instead? (Pause) I had a hamster named Snuffy, he died--
Homer: No deal!
Homer: Honey, could you do me a favor and fill out this form?
Marge: Homer this is an intimate phsychological profile, I can't fill this out for you!
Homer: Alright. Alright. I'll get Lisa to do it!
(Mr. Burns, Smithers, Dr. Marvin Monroe and other doctors review Homer's test shaking their heads in disbelief making tsk-tsk noises.)
Homer: So did I pass doc?
Mr. Burns: N-no.
(Doctors grab Homer and escort him out. Homer gasps and screeches.)
Smithers: Careful men. He wets his pants.
(Bart fills out Homer's psychiatric form for him.)
Bart: Dad, do you hear voices?
Homer: (Annoyed) Yes, I hear voices, although I'm trying to watch TV.
Bart: (Checks "yes") Check. Are you quick to anger?
Homer: (Upset) Bart! Shut up, or I will shut you up.
Bart: (Checks "yes") Check. Do you wet your pants? Hmm, well I guess if that was an occasional accident.
(Starts checking "yes" to every question.)
Leon: Hi. I'm Michael Jackson, from the Jacksons.
Homer: I'm Homer Simpson, from the Simpsons.
Psychiatrist: Mrs. Simpson, I'm sorry, but your husband suffers from a persecution complex, extreme paranoia, and bladder hostility.
Marge: Doctor, if you just talk to him for five minutes without mentioning our son Bart, you'd see how sane he is.
Psychiatrist: You mean there really is a Bart?! Good Lord!
Joe's crematorium...you kill 'em, we grill 'em.
</i> Bart
(Mr. Burns and Smithers review the security camera footage at the power plant.)
Mr. Burns: Wait a minute. Go back.
(Tape rewinds)
Mr. Burns: Zoom in.
(Screen zooms in to Homer.)
Mr. Burns: Why is that man in pink?
Smithers: That's Homer Simpson, sir. He's one of your boobs from Sector 7-G.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? Well, judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of free-thinking anarchist.
Smithers: I'll call security, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
