The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 18 Episode 18: "The Boys of Bummer" Quotes
Homer: Look, we're just gonna take our mattress, do a quick sweep of the medicine chest and we're outta here. (Does a sneaking effect sound of a high-hat cymbal.)
Marge: Homer!
Homer: (Stops hi-hat effect) Sorry.
Reverend Lovejoy: I have a friend, I mean, a friend of a friend...
Homer: (Very loudly) Sex problem, eh?
Marge: Reverend Lovejoy, our marriage needs this bed!
Helen Lovejoy: Our marriage needs it more!
Rev. Lovejoy: Well, I am reminded of the story of wise King Solomon.
Homer: Pfft. You would be.
Coach: Let me get this straight. You want our boys to play a fake rematch against Springfield so your son can make the catch he missed and feel better about himself?
Marge: Exactly!
Coach: I guess I could, if you pretend to be my fiance when my mother comes to visit.
Marge: Okay, if you pretend to be our chauffeur at my high-school reunion.
Coach: Fine, fine, if you pretend to be a ghost in an old amusement park I'm trying to buy.
Marge: We should stop now.
Coach: Yeah.
(Homer and Marge are having difficulty "snuggling")
Homer: Something has changed, but I can't figure out what. (gasps) Our mattress! I traded it to the Lovejoys!
Marge: You traded our mattress? I had my secret cash in it!
Homer: Oh, that's long gone, baby, long gone. (shows her a bling necklace with "Mattress $$$" spelled out in gold and diamonds) It was made for Elvis, but he found it tacky.
The Lovejoys? If this is about me drinking that holy water, lemme tell you, I had had, like, a million Doritos. You know the ones with the flame on the bag? Oho, that bag ain't lyin'.
Homer
Lisa: Bart, come with me. I'll take you to someone who will make you feel better.
Bart: Is it my rabbit, Cottontail? The one who went to live upstate?
Lisa: He died, Bart. Dad buried him in the backyard. But not in that order.
Now ladies and gentlemen, if you look just over left-field wall, the real show is about to begin, the sunrise! Brought to you by God. The invisible giant you turn to when you're about to die.
Announcer
Ghost Homer: You want to have ghost sex?
Ghost Marge: I keep telling you, ghost sex is nothing! It's worse than nothing!
Ghost Homer: Then why were you moaning last time?
Ghost Marge: Because I'm a GHOST! Whooooo!
Ghost Homer: Aahhh! A ghost!
Marge: You really want to make love on half a mattress behind a billboard?
Homer: It's like our honeymoon all over again! Aw, we even have the same bum looking at us.
Bum: I knew you kids would make it! (poking Homer's stomach) Man, you got fat.
(to Helen) You put on the Michael Bolton CD, I'll put on my edible vestments!
Reverend Lovejoy
Bart? Are you Bart Simpson? The kid who dropped that easy fly ball? You stink like a Dutchman's throwup!
LaBoot
