The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 3 Episode 7: "Treehouse of Horror II" Quotes
Come to think of it, the guy that sold me this thing did say the wishes would bring grave misfortune. I thought he was just being colorful.
Homer
Woman #1: If I hear one more thing about the Simpsons, I swear, I'm going to scream.
Woman #2: At first they were cute and funny, but now they are just annoying.
Vendor: Sir, I must strongly advise you: Do not purchase this. Behind every wish lurks grave misfortune. I, myself, was once president of Algeria.
Homer: Come on, pal, I don't want to hear your life story. Paw me!
Marge: If you eat too much, you'll have nightmares.
Bart: Oh yeah, everybody in the family is going to have bad nightmares tonight, ha!
Lisa: Oh yeah, three bad nightmares.
Homer: I'd like to see that! Heh heh heh!
Hello, everyone. Before last year's Halloween show, I warned you not to let your children watch. But you did anyway. Well, this year's episode is even worse. It's scarier, more violent, and I think they snuck in some bad language, too. So please, tuck in your children and-- (sighing) --well, if you didn't listen to me last time, you're not going to now. Enjoy the show.
Marge
Mr. Burns: Will you quit your complaining!
Smithers: Sir, You know what this means? He is alive.
Mr. Burns: Oh, you're right Smithers; I guess I owe you a Coke.
Marge: It's your father, he's missing.
Bart: Dad's missing? Get outta here!
Marge: He's been gone for two days!
Lisa: What do you know, she's right!
Smithers: It's the man in the bag sir; I think he's still alive!
(Mr. Burns beats the bag with a shovel.)
Mr. Burns: Bad corpse, bad corpse! Stop scaring Smithers! Satisfied?
Smithers: Thank you, sir.
Lisa/Bart: Mom, dad!
Marge: My goodness what's wrong?
Bart: We both had nightmares!
Lisa: Can we sleep with you?
Homer: Are you both toilet trained?
Lisa: Yes!
Homer: Oh okay then...
Krusty: (Laughs weakly) Well, we're still on... three hundred and forty- six consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who--Who won't let me stop! (Delirious) Okay, now let's go and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal over-the-counter wakeup drugs of his.
Audience: Yaaaaaay!
Lisa: Bart, Bart! I had a bad dream; can I sleep in your bed?
Bart: No!
Lisa: I'll give you a candy necklace...
Bart: Climb aboard.
I'll make a wish that can't backfire! I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce, and mustard, and... I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't wanna turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any more weird surprises, you got it! (Homer eats)... Mmm, not bad, nice hot mustard, good bread, turkeys a little dry... THE TURKEY'S A LITTLE DRY!!!
Homer
