My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R. My baloney has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R...


Grampa: That doll is evil, I tell ya! Evil! Evil!
Marge: Grampa, you said that about all the other presents.
Grampa: I just want attention

Homer: Do you sell toys?
Shopkeeper: We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to trade... We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call "frogurt".
Homer: Yeah, well I need something for my son's birthday.
Shopkeeper: Ah... Perhaps this will please the gentleman...
(The shopkeeper reaches the shelf and takes the Krusty doll.)
Shopkeeper: Take this object... But beware, it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ooo, that's bad...
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad...
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
(Homer stares at the shopkeeper.)
Shopkeeper: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

Lisa: It's a story of a boy and his doll.
Homer: That's not so scary.
Lisa: A doll... from Hell!
Homer: I'm gonna go to the store...

(Homer imitates the opening of Alfred Hitchcock Presents)
Homer: Good eeevening. I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some "crybabies" out there - religious types mostly - who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on, I dare you. (flapping his arms) Buck buck-buck-buck-buck-buck-buck, buck buck-buck-buck! Chicken!
(The screen goes black; all we see is a dot in the center)
Homer: Hey!
(we hear Marge entering)
Marge: Homer, did you just call everyone "chicken"?
Homer: No. I swear on this Bible!
Marge: That's not a Bible! That's a book of carpet samples!
Homer: Ooooh... fuzzy.

Marge, the doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!


Marge: Am I going too?
Mr. Burns: Of course! We can't go without the bait...-thing beauty, the...bathing beauty. Ah, I covered that up nicely.

(Bart opens Grampa's gift, a box of cash)
Marge: Where'd you get all the money?
Grampa: The government. I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment I'll raise hell.

Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to "Evil."


Mr. Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.

The Simpsons Season 4 Episode 5 Quotes

You think your dirty socks can stop me?! Well, they are...making me...dizzy...ugh!

</i> Krusty Doll

(Homer pulls the Krusty Doll's string.)
Krusty Doll: I'm Krusty the Clown, and I don't like you.
(Homer chuckles.)
Krusty Doll: I'm Krusty the Clown, and I'm going to kill you!
Homer: (Chuckles) Didn't even pull the string that time...
Krusty Doll: I said I'm going to kill you! (Points to Homer) You, Homer Simpson!
Homer: Oh yeah? (Tosses the doll aside) With what?
(The Krusty Doll pops up from the other side of the couch, holding a knife; Homer screams.)