The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 19 Quotes
Lisa: Mom! I didn't know you went to college!
Bart: Yeah, you always said that after high school, Dad blessed you with the unplanned miracle of me!
(Marge enters Professor Stephan's library.)
Marge: Have you really read all these books?
Professor Stephan: Morally I couldn't display them on my shelves if I hadn't. But I watch sports as well, just like a regular man.
(Professor Stephan turns out the TV to a football game.)
Professor Stephan: Good goddess! The Patriots are deep in Redskin territory. This isn't entertainment, it's genocide! (Sobs)
(Sighs) Seeing Marge always reminds me of Marge.
</i> Homer
(Moe tries stealing a man's watch, but the man sees him.)
Moe: Oh, I wasn't trying to steal your watch. I--I--I was just coming on to you.
Man at Bar: Okay, let's go back to my place.
Moe: Oh, boy.
(The Simpsons are all huddled up near the fireplace.)
Marge: We wouldn't be in this trouble if you just paid the heating bill!
Homer: I thought global warming would take care of it it. Al Gore can't do anything right.
The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.
Bart
(An alarming amount of presidential hopefuls descend on the Simpson house when they see that the Simpsons haven't decided who to vote for yet.)
Homer: If you haven't sprung from or aren't married to my loins, get the hell out of this house!
(All the candidates leave, except for someone hiding behind a plant.)
Homer: You too, Fred Thompson!
Fred Thompson: But I was in Die Hard.
Homer: (Scoffs) Die Hard Two!
I don't know about you, but I don't want to live in a future where food is brought by "waiters..." where the chairs aren't attached to the tables... and where I can't ditch my kids in a pit of dirty balls.
</i> Homer
Nelson: (to Washington Post reporter) Haw-haw! Your medium is dying!
Principal Skinner: Nelson!
Nelson: But it is.
Principal Skinner: There's being right and there's being nice.
(Gasps) A drive-up trash can. This must be how the rich toss out their gold.
</i> Homer
Marge: This election is on every channel.
Homer: Come on, Marge. It's primary fever. Catch it!
Marge: That's what you said about yellow fever, and that was no fun.
(Kent Brockman reports on the Springfield presidential primary.)
Kent Brockman: With Springfield's primary now first in the nation, our humble city is overrun with candidates, newshounds, spin doctors, hacks, flacks, Russerts, Blitzers and even the occasional voter. (to Moe) Sir, do have a preference?
Moe: Yeah, I like girls, fruit loop.
Kent Brockman: Oh. Are you a registered voter?
Moe: I'm a registered something.
