Marge: Knock, knock. I'm Marge Simpson, your new cellmate.
Phillips: I'm Phillips. They called me that because I killed my husband with a Phillips-head screwdriver.

Watch Fox and be damned for all eternity.

Ned

All right, come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says 'Capricorn', and something with coconut on it!

Chief Wiggum

Mr. Burns: Who the devil are you?
Homer's Brain: Don't panic. Just come up with a good story.
Homer: My name is Mr. Burns!
Homer's Brain: D'oh!

Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Who do you find more attractive? Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Lawyer: I feel so confident of Marge Simpson's guilt that I can waste the court's time by rating the super hunks.

Ned: Now Marge don't you worry, we've all had our brushes with the law.
(remembers)
Cop: Are you Ed Flanders?
Ned: No, Ned Flanders.
Cop: My mistake.

This verdict is written on a cocktail napkin. And it still says "guilty." And "guilty" is spelled wrong!

</i> Judge Snyder

McClure: Are you sure it's on!? I can't hear a thing! (as the Juice Loosener clatters loudly)
Dr. Nick: It's whisper quiet!

Marge: Is that an old Halloween costume?
Homer: (wearing a devil costume) Uhno.

Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.

Lisa: If the snakes were in here we could protect them.
Bart: According to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground. So, if we put our stereo speakers on the ground and play something with a lot of bass, those snakes will be in here like Oprah on a baked ham.

Gentlemen, start your whacking!

Miss Springfield

The Simpsons Season 4 Quotes

Marge: Homer, you do remember your promise to the children?
Homer: Sure do. When you're eighteen, you're out the door!

Marge: Lisa, watch out for poison ivy. Remember, leaves of three, let it be.
Homer: Leaves of four, eat some more! (Laughs)