The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Quotes
(to Marge) You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed...she's such a little trooper!
Homer
Homer: Marge, I want you to admit you have a gambling problem.
Marge: You know, you're right, Homer. Maybe I should get some professional help.
Homer: No, no, that's too expensive. Just don't do it anymore.
James Bond: (Being dragged away by villain's henchmen) But...but it's Homer's fault! I didn't lose. I never lose! Well, at least tell me the details of your plot for world domination.
Blofeld: Ho ho ho, I'm not going to fall for that one again.
Homeless Guy: Got any spare change?
Grampa: Yeah! And you ain't gettin' it! Everybody wants something for nothing! (Walks into the Social Security Office) I'm old, gimme gimme gimme!
Grampa: Hah! The way people act around here, you'd think the streets were paved with gold.
Jasper: They are.
Smithers: Even so, sir, we could stand to lay off a few employees.
Mr. Burns: Oh, very well! (Points at the monitors) Lay off him, him, him, him...(Sees Homer wearing Kissinger's glasses) Hmm...better keep the egghead. He just might come in handy.
Lisa: Dad, you shouldn't wear glasses that weren't prescribed for you.
Homer: Lisa, just because you're ten feet tall doesn't mean you can tell me what to do.
Bart: I'm Bart.
Lisa: Gimme those!
Barney: I haven't been able to find a job in six years.
Kent Brockman: Hmph. And what training do you have?
Barney: Five years of modern dance, six years of tap.
Ned: What do you think, Reverend?
Reverend Lovejoy: Once something has been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
Crowd: Yeah!
Mr. Burns: By building a casino, I could tighten my stranglehold on this dismal town!
Crowd: Yeah!
(Barney burps)
Crowd: Yeah!
Homer: Ssshh! I'm trying to teach the baby to gamble.
Marge: Why?
Homer: I got a job at Burns' casino. As you know, it's been my lifelong dream to become a blackjack dealer.
Marge: Your lifelong dream was to be a contestant on "The Gong Show",
(after flashback)
Homer: We got more gongs than the break-dancing robot that caught on fire.
Homer: (as a blackjack dealer) Uh, let's see: eighteen, twenty-seven, thirty-fiveDealer busts! Looks like you all win again.
Bart: Woo-hoo! Jackpot.
Squeeky-Voiced Teen: Wait a minute, are you over 21?
Bart: Are you?
Squeeky-Voiced Teen: I'm not authorized to answer that.
