The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Quotes
Hey Vern, help me get my head out of this toilet! (flushing sound)
Voice of Ernest
I'm cold and there are wolves after me.
Grampa
Lawyer: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say "Die, Bart, Die"?
Sideshow Bob: No, that's German for "The Bart, The".
Selma: Sideshow Bob tried to kill me on our Honeymoon!
Lawyer: How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now! Be honest.... (Patty's hand goes up)
Patty: Aaah, she's always leaving the toilet seat up.
Homer: If you don't mind we're trying to watch the mov...
Guy on Movie: Hey Merv, help me get my head outta this toilet!
Homer: (erruption of laughter)
Bart: Take him away, boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What'd you say, chief?
Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid said.
Bart: Mom, Dad, I saw Sideshow Bob and he threatened to kill me!
Homer: Bart, don't interrupt!
Marge: Homer, this is serious!
Homer: Oh, it is not.
Bob: Bart Simpson, that mischeivous little scamp that twice sent me to that dank urine soaked hellhole.
Parole Officer: Uh...We object to the term "urine soaked hellhole," when you could of used "peepee soaked heckhole."
Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.
I'll be Gus, the lovable chimney-sweep. Clean as a whistle, sharp as a thistle, best in all Westminster.
Bart
Bart: Grampa, Matlock's not real.
Grampa: Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob, if someone cuts it off and smushes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!
Oh my God! Someone's trying to kill me!! Oh, wait, it's for Bart.
Homer
Barney: David Crosby? You're my hero!
Crosby: Oh, you like my music?
Barney: You're a musician?
