Popular United States of Tara Quotes
Tara: You're looking up flights to Tokyo?
Kate: Yeah. Not that I'll ever be able to afford it on my sweat shop salary. How about this? Bus ride to Omaha, 45 dollars. Get a free fold-up chair.
Tara: Wow, you must be desperate. Something happened?
Kate: Yeah. I just kinda made a bad decision at work, so now I want to crawl out of my fucking skin. I just wish I could get away like you do.
Tara: Nah, it's not as glamorous as I make it look.
Charmaine: You need to focus on your attributes. Force yourself to take a compliment.
Marshall: Or can I force people to give them to me?
Tara: You're so cute. You drive like a little old lady.
Kate: Mum, you never took me out to teach me. I'd to do all my permit hours with dad and his like Zen driving theories.
Tara: I took you out driving.
Kate: No, Buck took me out driving, remember? He was teaching me how to parallel park and he backed into Mr. Hubbard's mailbox.
T, look, I know you don't like me, but we're gonna have to put up with each other for a little bit, okay? That was really scary back there. T, you're gonna have to just leave Tara alone for a little while.
Charmaine
Max: Why don't you go out to the shed and chill out for a bit?
T: 'Cause I'm already chill. I'm the chill-chill-chillingest.
Tara thinks she's a rottweiler or something. Congratulations, Marshall. You finally got the dog you always wanted.
Charmaine
Max: How'd it go with Ocean?
Tara: Oceanic.
Max: Oceanic? What does that mean?
Tara: Well, it was interesting. She thinks I'm making real progress, but she also wants to terminate our therapy in a month.
Tattoos really hurt. Don't let anyone tell you they don't. But I don't regret it because it will always remind me of Kate. And it didn't hurt nearly as much as pushing all 8 pounds, 7 ounces of her through my birth canal.
Gloria: The food-service industry is a hotbed of sexual impropriety. It's basically institutionalized. That's why people work at restaurants. It's not uncommon for young waitresses to develop feelings for their manager. It's okay if you blew him. Did you blow him?
Kate: No. I didn't.
Charmaine: Guess what I did. I didn't sleep with him. I didn't let him sleep over, and... perhaps extended this lovely thing yet another day by continuing to treat myself like a special prize he has to win.
Kate: Oh, really? So was it you or that special prize that was having a screaming orgasm at 1:30 in the morning?
Gene: I have friends all over Barnabeez. That means when there's something squirrelly scooting up the flagpole, I get a call.
Kate: I think you get a call because you can't keep your penis out of the face of every girl who works for you.
Gene: Penis is not an acceptable word for the workplace.
Max: Is Mom here?
Marshall: Yeah. I mean Mom's here... but I'm not sure Mom's here.
