Alan: You came back for me, you love me.
Berta: I pity you.

• Permalink: You came back for me, you love me. I pity you.
• Added: December 14, 2012

Nick: You remind me of a younger me, except taller and much better looking and also straight.
Walden: Where is this going?
Nick: Apparently nowhere

• Permalink: You remind me of a younger me, except taller and much better loo...
• Added: December 14, 2012

Alan: How did you meet this woman?
Jake: I play softball with her parole office

• Permalink: How did you meet this woman? I play softball with her parole o...
• Added: December 14, 2012

I am spending Christmas with Tammy Sue and her three children, and I get to play Santa and also their various fathers.

Jake

• Permalink: I am spending Christmas with Tammy Sue and her three children, a...
• Added: December 14, 2012