Two and a Half Men Season 4 Quotes
Let's not forget how I convinced you that mom's douche bag was your air supplyCharlie [to Alan]
Alan: I bought him two pies.
Judith: Why would you do that?
Alan: It seemed easier than explaining to him that his mother's fiancÃ© is a sexual moron
Jake: I'm still awake!
Herb: I may never be happy again
Evelyn: It's one thing to diddle the help, but another thing to dine with them.
Alan: Naomi's not the help.
Evelyn: Oh, forgive me. She's the maid's round-heeled daughter. I mean, I'd expect this from Charlie. He'd hump a grilled cheese sandwich.
Charlie: Thanks, Mom
Berta: I made all your favorites: scrambled egg whites; turkey bacon; rye toast, no butter; decaf coffee.
Alan: Well, thank you.
Berta: You eat like a 90-year-old man with stomach cancer, but I don't judge
Jake: Can I get my ear pierced?
Jake: Why not?
Charlie: You can't keep the holes you have clean
Charlie: Berta's in my bed.
Alan: Really? Couldn't you just pay her in cash this week?
Berta: Well, you let me know if you need anything.
Alan: I will.
Berta: Ironing, groceries, I could lance that ear for you.
Alan: No, thanks.
Berta: I know what I'm doing. I spent a summer castrating sheep in Montana
Evelyn: You know it's tacky to arrive empty-handed. Perhaps we should stop and get a box of wine or some aerosol cheese.
Charlie: Whoa! Mom, you're on fire tonight!
Evelyn: It's the new meds. They mix well with liquor.
Alan: This was a bad idea.
Evelyn: Charlie, didn't you tell him that's the gay ear?
Charlie: Rose, this isn't a Christmas party!
Rose: Then what do you call this?
Charlie: The beginning of a news story that ends with the phrase "And then he turned the weapon on himself"
Judith: Tell your ex-wife to stop flirting with my fiancÃ©.
Alan: Actually, the way I see it your peanut butter is all over my chocolate.
Judith: Alan, I can make your life a living hell.
Alan: How would I know the difference
Rose: Charlie found his boundary.
Berta: It's a miracle.
Rose: A Christmas miracle