Two and a Half Men Season 8 Quotes
Everyone has a little baggage. I drink and try to mouth kiss hookers. You, you're cheap annoying and no one like you.
Charlie
Alan: What's not to love?
Charlie: I dunno, her mood swings, her idiot teenage son and the fact you need a muscle relaxer, a bottle of wine and a jackhammer to get her off.
Yeah, hi. I'm watching your commercial cash for gold and you just showed a woman selling her wedding ring for $500. No, I don't want to sell gold, I want to meet her. She's hot and we know her marriage isn't working out.
Charlie
Lindsey: It's okay, Alan. I don't have to have orgasm every time you make love.
Alan: I did my best, it's just that my sinuses are a little block and I needed my mouth for breathing.
Lindsey: Don't worry about it, you were great. "A" for effort.
Alan: But on my report card, it's still going to say incomplete.
Judith: You don't sleep with your son's friend's mother.
Alan: No, no. you marry his pediatrician.
Herb: He's got you there, sweetie.
Alan: Iced tea?
Charlie: I decided when you try to mail your pants to a garment inspector in Malaysia, it's time to quit drinking.
Alan: Some might have said that day come and went when you gave yourself that haircut.
Lindsay: I got a little surprise for you.
Alan: I got what I'm told is a perfectly adequate surprise for you.
Alan: Yours?
Charlie: Alan, she's like sixteen.
Alan: And, again, I ask, hoping I don't get called to testify, yours?
Charlie: Think it through Alan, for what possible activity would I need my pants off an my shoes on?
Alan: I dunno, chasing a reluctant hooker?
Charlie: Can't rule it out.
Alan: I guess a little morning quickie is out of the question?
Charlie: if you can do it without waking me up... you're not realy thinking about it are you?
