You've gotta feel how soft my tits are.


She'll be fine. She'll probably have a team of highly trained security specialists surround her at all times. This is the Noon News we're talking about.

You're selling the tv? That is the corner stone of our friendship!

Jenna: Wilfred pooped on your lawn.
Wilfred: There is symbolism in that poop Ryan...and some grass...and half a slipper.

So this is more important than waiting for Jenna's cable guy? As we speak, Jenna is sitting at home with no Game Show Network, no MTV2, no Univision. I'm furious Ryan.

I'm not sure spending your days watching gruesome cat deaths on YouTube counts as protecting Jenna.


I was gonna get it on Kindle, but then people couldn't see how deep I am.


Well, what have we here? And what is that thing above them with the mouth and eyes?

Ryan: I really think I'm gonna be alright.
Wilfred: Of course you are...I ain't going anywhere.

Bruce: You convinced me to make out with my own father.
Wilfred: Everybody at the party loved it. They thought it was edgy.

Wilfred ruined my life, and you know what? You're next.


Favorite music, all types. This chick must be like an expert in music.

Wilfred Season 1 Quotes

Ryan: I thought it would make me sound Effete.
Wilfred: So does saying the word "effete."

Ryan: Get off.
Wilfred: I'm trying to!